Cheating on a partner

[PhaseJump]

 

[X Paulo]

I have VERY big feelings about this. After I had my last heart surgery at age six, I think, my mother left my father. The man who was working his ass off, trying to support my mother (who refused to get a job, despite having my grandmother who would have babysat) and three kids at the time. She was actually having an affair. So, she moved on. She still depended on him for child support and was living off of my SSI check.

So, I did not have a stable father in my life. The man my mom had an affair with? They got married and had my youngest brother. This guy was an actual father to me (I know my dad loved me at one point when I was a toddler but then he fucked up our relationship with stuff I am not going to mention) and what does my mom go and do? Cheat. Had another affair. But that last marriage ended.

Not only did my mother do this, but my sister as well. She had a REALLY nice boyfriend. But then cheated on him and left him for the man that is now her husband.

To make it worse, my ex, the man I was with before my husband.. I spent five years of my life with him. It was hard enough because it was a long distance relationship. We did see each other a few time IRL. But he was cheating on me the whole time. I guess I dodged a bullet because he was emotionally/physically abusive towards me.

I am married to my soulmate now, but if something happened and he left me for someone else? Well I do not think I would be able to trust anymore. That would crush me.

You know, I completely understand what you went through. I've never dated, but I know what it's like to be a hero. Why can't you endure all of this?

 

[Ezri_Muldoon]

As some one was raised to not believe in divorce but ended up having one.
You may think you need to remain with some one but the truth is they'll move on and leave you feeling as if the years of commitment were wasted.
Your spouse may plead that they can not survive without you, yet at any point they can turn face and just leave. You're attempts to fix things do not matter, a relationship can just end with little to no warning.

If you even have the slightest doubt that a relationship or marriage isn't going to work, take that concern seriously. Don't just tough it out.
This applies to all relationship and the problems we all face- including cheating.

 

[Deleted member 908994]

I have VERY big feelings about this. After I had my last heart surgery at age six, I think, my mother left my father. The man who was working his ass off, trying to support my mother (who refused to get a job, despite having my grandmother who would have babysat) and three kids at the time. She was actually having an affair. So, she moved on. She still depended on him for child support and was living off of my SSI check.

So, I did not have a stable father in my life. The man my mom had an affair with? They got married and had my youngest brother. This guy was an actual father to me (I know my dad loved me at one point when I was a toddler but then he fucked up our relationship with stuff I am not going to mention) and what does my mom go and do? Cheat. Had another affair. But that last marriage ended.

Not only did my mother do this, but my sister as well. She had a REALLY nice boyfriend. But then cheated on him and left him for the man that is now her husband.

To make it worse, my ex, the man I was with before my husband.. I spent five years of my life with him. It was hard enough because it was a long distance relationship. We did see each other a few time IRL. But he was cheating on me the whole time. I guess I dodged a bullet because he was emotionally/physically abusive towards me.

I am married to my soulmate now, but if something happened and he left me for someone else? Well I do not think I would be able to trust anymore. That would crush me.

I'm touched by what you said here but it also makes me a little sad. Sometimes I wonder why life always has to be so cruel. But it's nice that you found your soulmate, that's is something special and it also shows that there is always hope for a happy ending.

 

[thumbsdown's iconthumbsdown]

I did "forgive" multiple times cus I don't believe being physically or emotionally attracted by another person is a matter of trust and I do not believe in the institution of monogamy either. Loyalty and fidelity are completely different matters to me. But that's how I see things and I try to look for like-minded partners to begin with (not that I had many also).

That said, I'd never forgive someone who'd continuously abuse of me emotionally because of their own actual problematic personality traits.

 

[Morgan Katarn]

Pfft. Sorry.. that is only for something that is a mistake. Cheating is a choice. Not a "mistake". You either love your partner or you don't. Good on you for that. That stuff never made sense to me lol

yeah it hurt like hell but I threw her away like a used tampon no amount sorry will fix how I felt.

Honestly people that thing they can forgive and try again they got a screw lose if it happen once it will happen again and again.

Something we often say in video game community once a cheater always a cheater.

 

[Graves Ruinwalker]

Im never fond of cheaters . In my case i would throw her out and get mentally clear as fast ad possible before i go much worse on her . If she cant discuss this and wanna cheat me then she should get the consequences immediatly .

I knew a girl who i had been friends with a friendgroup a decade ago . She was in a relationship and lived her boyfriend . Last time i was in her boyfriends birthday party and she invited alot of guests . The party was alright and the people were cool till her boyfriend catches her with another guy in the bedroom right in the middle of their love-wrestling .

This became a mess in a second . At this point i went away and was very pissed too at her . When i heard that she wanted to cheatbon him i broke the contact and despised her .

Im someone who never gets between a relationship of others , no matter how interested i am at the girl and vice versa . Even some friends of mine who went between relationships of others get automatically pure apathy from me and i dont wanna see them again .

I value a relationship very highly and if it doesnt work then rather discuss it and we go different paths .

 

[DPRWesley]

I had that issue years ago with my ex-wife. She cheated, but never really gave me closure on it. Had my suspicions, got her to admit it briefly before she went into full denial mode. Wanted to give her little girl a daddy, so I ignored it. Thought I did anyway. It was never resolved, and only turned toxic on everyone's end including mine.

Me personally? That's a moment where trust is gone. My options are to wait for the other shoe to drop from someone I can never fully trust again, or harden myself to the point I wouldn't give a rats ass either way. Neither options are great.

Life's full of of the good, bad, and everyone else inbetween. Life's also too short to squander your investments, time-wise and emotionally. My vote goes to calling it quits in these situations, personally. Make it as amicable as possible, but it's important to know when a chapter has come to an end.

 

[autopsyexperiment autopsyexperiment]

assuming polyamory/an open relationship wasn't discussed and agreed upon prior, i'll just pack up and bounce, if my name is the only one on the lease then they're gonna have to pack up and kick rocks

 

[Xenocloudarius Xenocloudarius]

Simple, i'd tell the person to fuck off and I would end the relationship.
¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

 

[bjork]

I threw her away like a used tampon

I don't know why but this made me laugh out loud. well done

 

[Boo Man]

I've been through it myself years ago.... and no, you don't forgive them.

I don't mean in the "be awful and hate them forever" kind of way. You make them pack up and leave, or do so yourself, depends on who owns the place or the names on the lease. But you never truly forgive them. If you run into them, even if it's ten years later and you speak to one another, you bring it up if they get snippy with you, Never let them forget about it.

You move on and better yourself, and let them stew in their own self-loathing about it.
Because if they did it once, no matter if it was a "moment of weakness" or some other asinine excuse, they will most likely do it again.

And yes, I can and will be a spiteful bitch.
View attachment 164880

yeah Cheetehs dont change their spots

 

[Viyon]

I got cheated on twice, by two different partners, I never forgave them. The first time it was devastating, it made me spiral into depression, when it happened a second time years later the impact wasn't any weaker and it brought me to a new low in my life. That was my last relationship, almost 6 years ago, I chose to stay single for some time, to heal and mature, I finally feel ready to date again, but I need someone emotionally mature, so it's not gonna be easy.

Cheating changes people who do it in a weird way, while mortifies and humiliates those who are on the wronged side.

Spoiler

Cheaters are scum.

 

[Ikagura]

Guys who cheat are truly awful...

 

[Boo Man]

some of my acquaintances consider themselves "players" and have no loyalty
they get no respect from me
only monogamous humans with good morals get respect

 

[iamthemilkman]

Cheaters are scum of the fucking earth.

 

[Ikagura]

some of my acquaintances consider themselves "players" and have no loyalty
they get no respect from me.

Players? Why?

Only monogamous humans with good morals get respect.

But if they're an open couple it's fine? I mean as long as everyone is a consenting adult without any abusive relationship it should be ok.

Post automatically merged: Mar 19, 2026

Assuming polyamory/an open relationship wasn't discussed and agreed upon prior.

I think this is a special case so it doesn't apply there. Poly/Open as long as everyone in there are agreeing upon it don't count as cheating I think.

 

[Blamhammer]

If you were to break down the steps and actions needed to commit cheating in the first place, like with instructions to a robot or coding, you’ll realise that they have ample opportunities to bail out of said situation in the first place.
If they can’t come to you and discuss their wants and desires then where’s the foundation for trust in the relationship?!

Anyway I hate cheating in video games. Team Fortress 2 was utterly ruined.

 

[PacGuy]

Team Fortress 2 was utterly ruined.

I bought tf2 when it first came out, before free 2 play.

 

[Ikagura]

Anyway I hate cheating in video games. Team Fortress 2 was utterly ruined.

Shame...

I don't mind purely solo game cheat codes because they're just for one person and can also be fun (like DK Mode in Goldeneye).

 

[PacGuy]

Shame...

I don't mind purely solo game cheat codes because they're just for one person and can also be fun (like DK Mode in Goldeneye).

Cheats in single player games are fantastic. A lost art nowadays

 

[YoshifreakZX]

All trust would be lost and I'd never even want to talk to them ever again, not even as a friend.

 

[RunicOrangejuice]

i don't really think about it in the negative way of "all or nothing" if it doesn't work out. i don't see it as having to destroy anything or guile a hardened feeling. i'm 47, and i've found that many, many things happen for many obscure reasons. people tend to make mountains out of mole hills. we never know what anyone else has been through.

 

[Ikagura]

I feel like some people that gets cheated on are blaming on themselves as if they've done something wrong... That's not a good idea.

 

[Boo Man]

Players? Why?


But if they're an open couple it's fine? I mean as long as everyone is a consenting adult without any abusive relationship it should be ok.

Post automatically merged: Mar 19, 2026

I think this is a special case so it doesn't apply there. Poly/Open as long as everyone in there are agreeing upon it don't count as cheating I think.

in my opinion a good relationship requires mutual trust and faithfulness