I'm absolutely understood, I'm a freak o' nature, and I like Crash Bandicoot a lot.
Nah, but seriously. I'd be surprised if I did end up going through life as an autistic man with people immediately being on my same wavelength. I struggle a lot with myself, recently with the idea that I'm only getting older, and I feel a bit shameful about still being into stuff I was into as a kid. I shouldn't feel that way, I'm entitled to my few enjoyable interests in life, but I am absolutely a victim of the "be a man" mentality and I'm quite harsh to myself in that regard.
I see a lot on here talking about how they don't want to open up, and show their true selves too much. But I feel like I'm in the opposite situation. Some days it feels like maybe most people in my life would be much better off if they never met me. It's accentuated by the fact that I have really great friends and family that do give a shit about me, and with the life situation I'm in, I feel like I'm meant to do so much more for them as a loved one than I'll ever be capable of.
Idk, honestly I've just struggled with the idea as of late that I'll probably never become more in life than just average, and unremarkable. And I allow my shame to control my disposition, and it destroys me, and any chance I have to integrate into larger society. I hold myself back really. I just don't find myself to be that interesting, and I'm lucky I have the connections I do have. It's real hard for me to make friends. I'm awkward, and I think too much.
Either way, shit won't be bad forever, even at my worst I still have a bit of hope that better will come.
I hope everyone can find a friend group such as mine. It's not everyday you find someone who ACTUALLY TRULY wants to listen to you autism dump about the state of the Crash Bandicoot franchise, in the middle of eating out at a fire mexican restaurant, and it be the highlight of their day.