And i was right. You are mocking me, i hide from people because they don't want me. No matter how hard i work or how i try to improve I'll always be that paranoid schizophrenic autist to them. I can't change what other's think with my own actions so it's better for me to stay out of the way of people who have more value as human beings than me. It isn't "some issue" with society its about people being hostile and dismissing towards me no matter how i act. It's literally not safe for me to be around other people. I think they will kill me, and yes part of this is about my mental health being bad but still... It's not like anyone cares they just give me more and more medicine so i can just shut up and be a robot for them. I'm already mentally incapable of living by myself because my mental health has gotten so bad. I studied for year's because i wanted to be chef but no one hired me unless i work for free as a slave for them! What more do you people want from me!? How should i bow down to all of you today? I've tried ive really tried i want to be a normal person. But people just keep abusing me.
Well what you wrote in this topic is what actually everyone thinks about themselves. These are facts, not "delusions that are part of a mental illness".
From outside I may seem positive, a complete ignorant fool who is not "aware" how real life is like a generic fool main character of animes or something lol but after decades of life experience I realized I'm the most pessimistic person I know yet I can actually live my life ok despite all these.
Yes, most people would kill you to get what they want. I just won't let them and that's it. Don't forget you can kill too. If a person wants to kill me then they make it "ok" to kill them.
Yes, most people judge you and for ego masturbation they insult you but they are just their opinion. It's annoying yet words cannot hurt me.
Society works in a way they sell you insanity to also sell you its cure, that's where acting and wearing your social mask comes in. Life is bad but gotta focus on good things to be yourself so you can live your life in a worthwhile way.
Yes, job market is established upon legal slavery. It's where the social war aspect of life comes in. If you wanna get what you want you often have to crush people who are after crushing you.
In the end world would be a good place if everyone was nice and it was so peaceful and serene so much even clouds pukes rainbow and rivers are made of honey but in this world we gotta live like a scientist soldiers in the context of we gotta be smart and wise to deal with problems and we gotta be a soldier to protect what we hold our so dear to us.
So world sucks but I ain't complaining, not because of the generic answer of "it happens to everyone and complaining won't make your life better", it's just if I was weak and let world defeat me this BS would suck way more than how world sucks. My pride is too high to allow myself being defeated. It makes me wanna be the best like no one ever was so I can make anyone regret being born when they crosses me. This is like "this is the way it's" situation so what else to do.
In the end I don't believe in "I can't" as long as it's not against laws of physics. What there is for me is "I will and I will try until I'll". I'll be a Terminator even can dodge nuclear bombs!!!!!
In the end mental health depends on your own believes. Yes we cannot be ignorant of reality, but part of your reality made of your own "should statements". For example I believe nothing is my problem as long as I don't consider it as a problem. Instead I see everything in the context of what benefits me or not, and what benefits me depends on what I want. So if I want something I won't care how high, I'll find a way to fly away. I won't care about obstacles, I always focus on what I want and how to get it.
So do I actually care what people think of me?: I'm too busy thinking about doing what I want so my "brain RAM" is too filled for it lol.
Do I care people "doesn't want me"?: I mean who would/should want me anyway? It has no benefit to me.
Well I also see that even if life thows me BS problems I can find a way to use this problems to my advantage to make it benefit for me. For example when I was young I was a total anarchist, then I understood using governments for my advantage is more beneficial for me instead of wanna live like a nomad outside of any government. Whatever problem you come up with and it seems like life forces you between 2 options there is always a 3rd option you can create for yourself. Life may be hard but it's not impossible, as long as you don't drag yourself down anything is possible in the context of what is okay for laws of physics!!! lolol