I manufacture C4 explosives in my sink.
But really after getting slapped by my own failures and being a selfish monster who would hurt anyone to get what he wanted and thinking im a failure in scientific/mathematic field and being very skinny.
Well above sounds like a good deal to give up if I can't work cuz my mind couldn't comprehend im grown ass 18 year old and that thought did spook me a bit realizing I know nothing literally terra from FF6

, my ego However couldn't handle it motivated by just pure freaking pride and ego wanting to be someone im proud of a winner in real life so I can enjoy being a winner in video games well I turned my life around....its no longer a matter of fixing my broken pride I want to be an effective member of society a man that brings good to the world.
I went from inability to do a single pushup in may 2022 to near 60 in late 2024 and probably 60 by now (will see today)
I learned how to put in hardwork like actually work hard for something thus I ended up scoring well in math a subject I was so bad at like for somebody like me the grade I got by just 8 months of studying math and the mess of the last few days man im lucky to have had pulled it off like that despite all the laughter and mockery I put up with being called a loser and an idiot a stupid human being I actually managed to redeem myself not only in my eyes but in the eyes of those around me.
Im as confident as ever and while I come off as a quiet person and a bit goofy at times I will never get back to that social anxiety I had prior to april 2024.
Im also happy that I actually feel emotion as weird as it sounds XD thanks to silent hill and FF7/6/4/5/8 and MGS
My mindset changed a lot for the remainder of 2024 I actually had to spend a lot of time in solitude just me and my own thoughts every day for 8 hours straight , studying mostly but I sometimes got lost in my own thoughts , discovering more about myself challenging the ideas I hold and more the journey had me physically improving but most importantly mentally and socially.
Holy holy how hard I found it to wear my jeans and head somewhere in 2022 now in the blink of an eye im walking down the street.
You know what's a sad part about all this? I only got complimented for me becoming a better person once or twice idk why other people didn't notice the behavior and mindset change , its not the most important thing but at least father is so proud in me and that alone is enough.