Too personal... Just getting something off my chest.

[Thatbro21]

I consider myself a happy person!
I have a pretty silly sense of humor. I laugh at dank memes, YTPs, anime, manga... So, I don't have time to feel sad, and I don't consider myself a depressive person.

I know the internet can be kinda dangerous to be this open, but I think there are good people here, too.

I’ve been taking medication by my psychiatrist for a month now, and this week I’m starting a second one.
I went through a psychotic episode last month where, for about 20 minutes, I saw my entire world as an exact copy of reality.
It all started with putting too much pressure on myself, until I completely cracked; thank God it was an isolated incident, I don't see stuffs or hear voices 24 hours a day.

It was my brother and my parents who brought me back.
Fortunately, I never saw my family as enemies, quite the opposite; I think I’ve always been very emotionally dependent on them.
I believe I’ll get through all this and look back on it as just "dark times."
I never had much luck with friends (had just some) or romance during my school years, but I realize now that those things weren't all that necessary back then.
But I think I’ve become a guy who’s very closed off to social experiences, and now I want to start all over again.

- I don't want to romanticize this or self-pity, and I believe I will get over it.
I just wanted to know if anyone out there has been through similar things or even worse and has overcome it or if u are fighting though ur problems right now... Just to get some tips.

Nice to meet you!

 

[SamanthaSamantha's icon]

I have always had trouble managing my emotions, even when I was a little kid just prancing around and trying to figure out this "life" thing one Discovery Kids or Disney Junior episode at a time, but things went into overdrive when I was a teenager.

It got really, really bad.

I started developing both homicidal and suicidal ideation. I'd self-harm by biting huge chunks of skin right out of my hands, the scars of which still remain a dark reminder of my crap mental state. I'd scream off the top of my lungs for basically no reason and then break down crying the very next second because I was overwhelmed by things I didn't even understand — I was a cortisol and adrenaline factory and couldn't keep any of those from triggering. Many days I felt like my heart was going to beat right out of my chest.

I made life hell for myself and everyone around me.

Then, when I was around 12, I became "too much to handle" and my own mother tried to smother me with a pillow after I had gone ballistic over literally nothing... and you know what? I don't blame her — she had a lot on her plate and I was a constant drain on her life's "account."

I'm still fighting over control of my own mind (and I like to think I'm mostly succeeding), but it's not easy... never easy.

As for tips? Don't entrench yourself or isolate from those who love you — that's handing victory to whatever's troubling you in the most painfully slow way possible.

Nice to meet you, too.

 

[Thatbro21]

Don't entrench yourself or isolate from those who love you — that's handing victory to whatever's troubling you in the most painfully slow way possible.

Your story touch me.

My parents always worked hard so that my brother and I could have the best life possible. Even today, I still feel a bit shy about it, but what I really want to do is hug them both and say, "I love you, thank you for everything," even if it might seem silly.

So, thank you, I will never drift away from my family.