How do you speak with people?

[Ikagura]

Well, be polite and smile are two advices I was given.

 

[NatalieZaki]

i cant, love social anxiety

 

[DanVzare]

People love talking about themselves. Ask about something (a typical thing is what kind of music or TV shows they like) and just listen to them ramble on for hours on end as they go from subject to subject. It also helps with social anxiety, since you don't actually have to participate in the conversation. Just smile and nod.

The next thing you know, they've practically adopted you.
Here you are just wanting to be left alone, and they keep talking to you whenever they see you out on the street.

Now as for how you start an actual meaningful relationship with someone.
...
I have no idea.

 

[_oBSOLEte_]

IRL? Go to a bar. Offer them a drink. When someone takes a smoke break at work, go with them to light one as well. Take cooking lessons. Find a TTRPG club. Go to a gamejam.

Just use any common addiction to start talking about it.

 

[TrousersnekDaInfinit]

Lol, I cant even do that online

 

[UnDubious]

I'd like to add that this is about taking care of your appearance and presenting yourself well, not about whether you're beautiful or ugly.

Taking care of your appearance will make a difference, however so will your actual looks. Ultimately, though, there's no point worrying about the parts you can't change, so presentation + getting/staying in shape are the parts that are worth thinking about.

 

[Graw]

I find that incredibly hard, there's a force inside me that forbids me from talking to strangers and it's very harmful for my social health (as well as my mental health, I feel very lonely).

I used to be like that but then one day a friend of mine explained to me that being that way is inherently selfish behaviour. Everyone feels nervous or awkward meeting new people. People who are seemingly outgoing or extroverted included. Being too nervous to talk to people just puts the onus on the other person to not only overcome their own nervousness but work extra hard to overcome your nervousness as well which is selfish.

Thinking about it that way really helped me with talking to people. Understanding not only that the other person also feels nervous but also that my own nervousness not only makes it worse but is actually burdening the other person pushed me to really try and push past my own feelings of nervousness.

 

[SpcDaicon]

By recognizing the humanity on others

In the end, people are just people, everyone different e alike in particular ways. Everyone is prone to act silly in front of others, everyone is prone to be mean and selfish, everyone is prone to the greatests acts of kindness and selflessness, just like you.

Others are often a mirror to yourself, if you can't recornize others as human (their vices, virtues, fallibilities, strenghts, etc), you will fail to see humanity in yourself.

It really bothers me some people think distancing themselves from others and rejecting the world would somehow save them from suffering. That's just coping.

It's not just "stop being socially anxious xDDDDD", but understaning that you have more in common to others than you think since, ultimately, we are all ourselves

 

[moonbits]

Rarely would you see me strike a conversation.
I don't think I am that interesting.

 

[Graves Ruinwalker]

Why would you like to speak to someone? Embrace lolineless, there is no one better than ourselves to speak with. There are very few people who I talk to, all family members. I don't speak with strangers, or people I know since childhood if not for a greeting. I don't care to nor I'm able to do it, always been asocial, shy and introvert since I was born.

While i prefer and take high value of my solitude too , sometimes i need a conversation/discussion/contact too just to understand the other side too to make my conclusions and opinion of it .

But we differ from person to person and i cant deny your stance and respect it .

 

[chxshire22]

i find it easy to mingle when i have the energy because of a few “hacks”

- i genuinely try to find a reason to like them. i dont force myself to like them, if they’re assholes then theyre assholes. but if you already like them a little and act genuinely, people tend to like you back. and guess what? win-win.

- when i act awkward, no one will remember it as often as i will. because no one really cares abt me that much. so i dont care too badly if i committed a faux pas.

- act as if people want to hear me speak, unless they tell me otherwise implicitly or explicitly. no it doesnt mean just yap randomly but when it is my turn to speak i will do so without being mousey about it.

- i am not a pick up artist and i despise those who claim to be. but a great opener ive found is “hey! how you doing :D” ask something surface level abt the other person and then see if they pick up the conversation from there. if they dont. dont push it, it’s fine.

Post automatically merged: Today at 3:14 PM

i say this as a generally introverted person. introversion does not equal to being miserable. being miserable is a choice. you dont have to try to win over everybody. just have to be genuine and decent

 

[Bonkers225]

I'm in an university and most of my classmates are 10 years younger than me

So what? Do you have a tag on you stating you are 10 years older than them? Doesn't matter. Talk to them the same way you'll talk to anyone, regardless of their age. Unless you're going after certain ages, in which case, Chris Hansen would like to talk to you instead.

 

[Waffles's iconWaffles]

I have long forgotten how to do that, to be honest.

Kid me had an enviable optimism about life and would engage anyone in frank, funny and interesting conversation like a snake charmer playing all the right notes to be in-sync with the beast, this dangerous creature with fangs and venom that could strike at any given time. And it did work (wonderfully even, considering how many of those folk I can still remember for my articles)... But I have grown an unhealthy layer of anxiety on top as I have grown older, and now I seem unable to even respond to random messages without going into crisis mode. I figured I'd just enjoy the silence... But that's not really an option, is it? And it's funny, because in this world of words, they sometimes can't say everything even if you bend and spin them to perfection.

I try to be quiet as much as possible, often offering a friendly smile and a good chitchat when promoted to, but I no longer seek out engagement on my own. I seem to have forgotten how to.

 

[Somnia]

Its always easier in a group imo. I'm pretty much dead weight in 1 on 1 conversations unless I am close with them and know my sense of humor or our interests generally align, but in a group I can always chime in and get to know everyone with much greater ease.

When trying to get to know people that are new to you, common ground is crucial! Meeting people at my local fighting game meetup is so much easier because we can talk about the game, the history of the genre, exchange tips and more inbetween that typical "getting to know you" small talk.

 

[chxshire22]

10 years younger than me

i feel u. i dropped out 4-5 yrs ago and trying again now. honestly it doesnt matter. sure im not the youngest. but it’s ok. im doing my best to improve my situation!

also i was speaking to someone else and he told me that he is a whole 10 years older than me. yk what i felt then? respect. respect for trying again at that age.

because we should always be in pursuit of a better self and bro didnt gige up on himself and did the hard thing

 

[Graves Ruinwalker]

Im not afraid of conversations and learned not think about what others may think of me because i am who i am , even when they throw insults or titles at me . Take it or leave it . Nobody is forced to hate or like me and i appreciate an individual to have clear reasons for what he stands , not what he's parroting from others.

I still take value for my opposition and i stay for the mainpoint what im here for but not let me sidetrack for my emotions or other things that doesnt have to do for the mainpoint .

Everything has a reason and i dont shy away from failures or successes because its still about the mainpoint and to understand why it is how it is .

I often start conversations about things that i notice and i like from the person . If that doesnt work then the person wasnt worth my time . But if it does , i go with the flow and i ask the simple questions like "Im [insert my name] , whats your name ?" . Or i just talk into the topic that interests me and i can put my thought into it . Its not easy but its about the small things in life that keeps the ball rolling.

Maybe not the best advice or even the worst but thats how i go to conversations with others .

Not everyone can be our friend and not every conversation needed to be part of . Especially honesty is still the key to a healthy conversation .

 

[Asian girls lover]

Rarely would you see me strike a conversation.
I don't think I am that interesting.

Me neither, I have few talking points. That's one of many reasons why I don't start a conversation with anyone, I don't know what to talk about.

While i prefer and take high value of my solitude too , sometimes i need a conversation/discussion/contact too just to understand the other side too to make my conclusions and opinion of it .

But we differ from person to person and i cant deny your stance and respect it .

I can easily stop seeing anyone for weeks or months but my mother, the only one I need to see or talk to at least for twice or thrice a week. The last time I went outside for fun with friends has been 10 years ago, the last time I had them.

 

[Crabulon]

The golden rule still rings true: Treat others the way you wish to be treated.

Imagine you were speaking to an old friend or loved one, or have the excitement of speaking to a new best friend, because they could be if the chemistry is just right

 

[GardeniaSky]

Badly. My social skills are absolutely terrible. I can't make eye contact because it makes me horribly uncomfortable. Job interviews have always been bad because of it. I also don't really go out of my way to keep in contact with people. That includes people I live with(my partner and my daughter).

I think it took my partner a long time to realize that my silence is not disapproval or unhappiness.

Conversations are hard. Apparently it's normal to ask 'follow-up' questions to keep a conversation going when someone interacts with you. I tend to answer whatever they need and then just move on from it. If I start 'following-up', I tend to get too deep and people get offended. I say exactly what I mean, but people always try to find subtext and mistake my tone.

Being direct is apparently, incorrect. I am still trying to navigate social norms but it is difficult. I've been told I'm 'honest', and people that don't try to look to deeply into what I say respect that and have a positive reaction. Most people just seem awkward when I open my mouth, like my mannerisms and speech are all wrong.

It's definitely not a case of 'I'm not a bitch, I'm just honest!". I do know what's right and wrong, but when problem solving and conversing, I find the most linear path, and that bothers a lot of people. Idk if that makes sense.

 

[Bakuma1997]

As an aspie introvert:
1) I never do (Unless is something non personal such a store clerk or a customer)
2) Make small talk and if it goes too far fake an urgency
3) use my stand [Extrovert familiar] to talk for me and watch in the background, only responding

 

[trickybus]

I'm in a weird boat when it comes to topic, so please bear with me.

I used to have crippling social anxiety, one of the many symptoms of my previously impaired mental health. With therapy (and medicine), I got better. I'm now in a situation where the people I interact with the most are my co-workers and I dislike the majority of them. I can interact with them just fine; I just don't want to, especially not outside of work. The one person I've welcomed into my life, who is the closest to being spiritual kin as anyone has ever been in years, only became my friend after I took the chance to approach him.

Like me, he's introverted and prefers to keep to himself. This is a defense mechanism we both use extensively because of the aforementioned nonces we work with. We would have never become buddies had I not been willing to be emotionally vulnerable and direct with my feelings/intentions. Because I took that chance, I now have someone in my life that understands me on a very personal level.

I suppose that my advice to you is to give to others what you would like to receive from them. Now, this isn't a push to be emotionally open with whatever rando comes your way. You should still be cautious about who you share your inner workings with. But, if you find someone who's on the same wavelength as you, it's worth approaching and being as genuine as you can be with an acquaintance.

We bonded over food, our dreams of living overseas, pets (he loves rabbits and I love cats), and video games. It's really easy to find casual conversation when you share interests with someone else and you have topics you can teach one another about—I know more about rabbit breeds, temperament and physiology than ever before!

 

[RanmyakuIchi's iconRanmyakuIchi]

I've got the social anxiety and have had to learn how to deal with it. My advice is that you'd be surprised how far just being kind and courteous can get you, and to remember that whatever anxieties you have about yourself, a stranger does not know or see them. I would also add not to be too pushy though, treating a stranger like you would an old friend can come off strong.

 

[Yousef's iconYousef]

There are three important things, the throat, the lungs and the mouth. You start by breathing, then the air goes through your vocal cords which produces a sound that you can manipulate with your tongue and mouth movements. Repeating this action in a specific pattern will produce sounds used for communication that are commonly known as words, and that’s how you speak with people.

 

[DanCalibur]

There's seems to be plenty of people in the same situation and with similar interests here, maybe you guys can start a conversation group and help each other out, in the end talking is just a skill like any other and can be improved with practice.

 

[ciro64]

Taking care of your appearance will make a difference, however so will your actual looks. Ultimately, though, there's no point worrying about the parts you can't change, so presentation + getting/staying in shape are the parts that are worth thinking about.

You're right.

I've heard stories of the ugliest guys getting the prettiest chicks because they knew how to compensate it in other ways. Being charming isn't about just looks alone.

Looking stunningly beautiful is both a blessing and a curse anyway, sure you'll get people more easily, but also you'll also have more people who wants to use you rather than appreciating you for who you are.