Embarrassing Cooking Fails

Picketinny_Railgun

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Have you ever failed to cook something so basic that it's embarrassing?

I've had to learn how to cook by myself so it's been quite a long and slightly embarrassing journey. I've fucked up just about everything you can imagine from cereal to pancakes and waffles and even scrambled eggs. Lots and lots of trial and error.
What's the most embarrassing cooking fail you've ever had? For the sake of inclusion I'd also consider catastrophic mistakes in the kitchen in general as being valid for this thread.

It's not really a "fail" because the meal came out edible when I was finished, but once it took me about 30 minutes to figure out how to boil ramen and dice meat to put on it. It was a long process of following through on the steps I knew; then putting the heat on low or setting everything down so I could figure out how in God's name I was expected to cook the meat. I figured that just putting it on a pan on the oven would work. After that burned the ridges of the pork black and barely even unfroze the middle of the meat, I pulled it off and debated just throwing it out because I had no clue what had gone wrong.
Instead I turned the heat down and tried it again and it worked out. Then when it was about halfway cooked I pulled it off the pan again and diced it. We didn't have a cutting board so I did it on a paper plate, and I was thankful for my experience in dicing fruit in the past.

This whole time the ramen was in a pot basically burning on the stove and I kept just putting in more water instead of turning down the heat. In the end it all came out edible and I actually enjoyed it, but it was a harrowing and dangerous process that took me way longer than it should have. No other ingredients except onion, naturally.

Fortunately for me, I never started a gas fire. But I got close!
 
This is literally me in the kitchen:

Homer Simpson Doh GIF by FSL Ecosystem


My biggest (but far from only!) fuck up was the time I started making a nice chicken recipe with a generous amount of potatoes, which I had peeled and cut myself (even though both of my sisters had offered to help)... and because I was too busy getting everything perfect, I lost track of time — I carbonized the potatoes and over-salted the chicken, causing us all to gag and to throw the entire dish away, which got me vilified there for a few days.

We really couldn't afford to waste it.
 

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