Started dating again gulp

[Captain Murphy]

So yea. A little background. Haven't dated in 10 years due to very painful relationship experiences. I am Asperger's, ADHD, neuro divergent but I have needs. Taken advantage of too many times, brokenheart yada yada.

I want to love again... La dee dah but holy shit my nerves are making me age less than gracefully. Trying to live in the moment with her but I feel like I'd rather sabotage the shit balls outta myself first. I like this girl a lot. She's into me too. She's got amazing eyes. We share a lot of interests from movies to books. She is more free than I am and I am repressed. How do I break through here so I can meet her in a place where we can be free with each other? Why am I so stressed about this. I guess I care more than I thought I did.

 

[Lod 10]

Então, é isso. Um pouco de contexto. Não namoro há 10 anos devido a experiências muito dolorosas em relacionamentos. Tenho síndrome de Asperger, TDAH, sou neurodivergente, mas tenho necessidades. Já fui explorada muitas vezes, tive o coração partido, blá blá blá.

Quero amar de novo... Que chique! Mas, meu Deus, meu nervosismo está me fazendo envelhecer de forma bem desleixada. Tento viver o momento com ela, mas sinto que prefiro me sabotar completamente primeiro. Gosto muito dessa garota. Ela também está a fim de mim. Ela tem olhos incríveis. Compartilhamos muitos interesses, de filmes a livros. Ela é mais livre do que eu, e eu sou reprimido. Como faço para superar isso e encontrá-la em um lugar onde possamos ser livres um com o outro? Por que estou tão estressado com isso? Acho que me importo mais do que pensava.

Well, I understand you, my life is broken inside. You need to relax a little.

 

[Captain Murphy]

Well, I understand you, my life is broken inside. You need to relax a little.

Sounds like sorcery to me. I am a worrier and I don't like it. I'll try to relax more tho!

 

[Lod 10]

Parece bruxaria para mim. Sou uma pessoa que se preocupa muito e não gosto disso. Mas vou tentar relaxar mais!

I worry a lot too; I suffer a lot from anxiety. My life is a mess.

 

[Cardboardtubeknight Cardboardtubeknight]

Well thats sweet, and what timing for any future anniversaries. If either of you forget that then thats totally on you. You're nervous, you're excited, you probably have a cacophony of things happening in your brain. Take it slow, and that includes advice as well. So how did you all meet?

 

[Stingy Perry Stingy Perry]

You already have a common interest that’s definitely a good start. I’m not sure about this all because we’re completely different people and hailing from a place whose culture is obviously different than yours. The next for me is probably is gradually opening yourselves up. That getting to know stage for me is the most crucial moment if you’re planning to start a deep relationship.

 

[Captain Murphy]

Well thats sweet, and what timing for any future anniversaries. If either of you forget that then thats totally on you. You're nervous, you're excited, you probably have a cacophony of things happening in your brain. Take it slow, and that includes advice as well. So how did you all meet?

We met through a mutual friend. Good buddy of mine so I know she's good people

Post automatically merged: Today at 1:12 PM

You already have a common interest that’s definitely a good start. I’m not sure about this all because we’re completely different people and hailing from a place whose culture is obviously different than yours. The next for me is probably is gradually opening yourselves up. That getting to know stage for me is the most crucial moment if you’re planning to start a deep relationship.

That's the thing tho. Feels like we have a lottt of common interests. Trying not to bank upon these too much.

 

[Zerohour2k12]

Well man, I'm never gonna have a good enough advice I think. But deciding on wanting to love again despite what you've been through is quite the great feat! Be proud of that and I'm sure you'll find someone!
Though in my case, I'm single and happy cuz I got family so I'm good.

 

[RustySK]

Every advice I can think of is going to sound unintentionally flippant.

I've been there, I know how borderline impossible it is to shut off your brain and stop worrying when you're in that kind of headspace and while I'm sure this isn't going to change anything right now:
You already managed the difficult part when you decided you were going to give this whole dating thing another earnest shot in spite of your experiences.

Everything from that point onwards, be it good or bad, is experience that either makes your life better in the moment and/or helps you develop the skills, the perspective and the calm of mind to make your life better in the future.

 

[redux007]

So yea. A little background. Haven't dated in 10 years due to very painful relationship experiences. I am Asperger's, ADHD, neuro divergent but I have needs. Taken advantage of too many times, brokenheart yada yada.

I want to love again... La dee dah but holy shit my nerves are making me age less than gracefully. Trying to live in the moment with her but I feel like I'd rather sabotage the shit balls outta myself first. I like this girl a lot. She's into me too. She's got amazing eyes. We share a lot of interests from movies to books. She is more free than I am and I am repressed. How do I break through here so I can meet her in a place where we can be free with each other? Why am I so stressed about this. I guess I care more than I thought I did.

Don't ignore your concerns or dismiss them due to health reasons on your part. If you're bothered by something figure out what it is. Then, do something about it. Inaction is never an answer.

 

[Captain Murphy]

Every advice I can think of is going to sound unintentionally flippant.

I've been there, I know how borderline impossible it is to shut off your brain and stop worrying when you're in that kind of headspace and while I'm sure this isn't going to change anything right now:
You already managed the difficult part when you decided you were going to give this whole dating thing another earnest shot in spite of your experiences.

Everything from that point onwards, be it good or bad, is experience that either makes your life better in the moment and/or helps you develop the skills, the perspective and the calm of mind to make your life better in the future.

Amazing advice. Especially that last bit. Thanks

 

[Lod 10]

Ótimas dicas. Principalmente a última parte. Obrigado.

Well, I can give you a tip: first, before falling head over heels in love, do some research to find out if she really likes you, because that person might be pretending not to. It might make you sad, but you have to get to know the person deeply. My explicit English teacher says, "I have so much money; if you want to get to know me, get to know me much better, but don't go straight to me."For the wedding

 

[Cardboardtubeknight Cardboardtubeknight]

We met through a mutual friend. Good buddy of mine so I know she's good people

Hey thats excellent. So you got friends in the mix too. So have you had that first date already?

 

[bjork]

If it's new and you're cautious, it makes sense that you wouldn't immediately be as free as you're wanting to be. Just take it one day/one meetup at a time, be yourself, and see where that takes you. Eventually you'll probably be opened up without even realizing it, and that's a good feeling, when the defenses can drop a little (or a lot) with someone.

Well, I can give you a tip: first, before falling head over heels in love, do some research to find out if she really likes you, because that person might be pretending not to.

This sounds very rational and not at all like paranoid high school shit. Come on, dude.

 

[Lod 10]

Se é algo novo e você está cauteloso, é compreensível que não se sinta tão à vontade quanto gostaria de imediato. Vá com calma, um dia de cada vez, um encontro de cada vez, seja você mesmo e veja aonde isso te leva. Com o tempo, você provavelmente se abrirá sem nem perceber, e essa é uma sensação ótima, quando as defesas podem baixar um pouco (ou muito) na presença de alguém.


Isso soa muito racional e nada como paranoia adolescente. Vamos lá, cara.

I have my moments of wisdom.

 

[bjork]

I have my moments of wisdom.

This wasn't one of them.

 

[Lod 10]

Este não era um deles.

Have a great week!

 

[bjork]

Have a great week!

No.

 

[Captain Murphy]

Hey thats excellent. So you got friends in the mix too. So have you had that first date already?

Yep. We went to see Batman Returns together after getting some "cheap" margaritas at a shitty Mexican bar. As an experience, It was ...okay? Literally was just training my brain the whole time to relax. We had a good time watching the movie but I was so anxious that I wasn't really operating with a full deck

 

[Cardboardtubeknight Cardboardtubeknight]

Yep. We went to see Batman Returns together after getting some "cheap" margaritas at a shitty Mexican bar. As an experience, It was ...okay? Literally was just training my brain the whole time to relax. We had a good time watching the movie but I was so anxious that I wasn't really operating with a full deck

Try to focus on the moment, sounds like you've already had 10 years to have your brain relax, though I wouldn't know. Next time just know it was a good date as there is others to come. Maybe try to have one where you both talk. Sounds like you're in line to make her yours and you hers. Common interests, friends involved. Get to know her a little more in that sense. You got this

 

[TheMinuMaster]

The truth is, no matter what you do, you’ll never completely leave your worries behind. Your mind doesn’t truly go blank — that’s a myth. What you can learn is how to think better. When a specific issue comes up, try to organize your thoughts, keep them straight instead of tangled. Writing things down helps more than it seems, and meditation does too — even if it feels weird at first.

As for relationships, it may sound cliché, but it works: don’t try to hide who you are. You have to be yourself, no matter what. There’s only one exception… if you like putting pineapple on pizza, then maybe don’t be yourself.