Random My cat wants pets

[Cardboardtubeknight Cardboardtubeknight]

She says:
"Listen here, you opposable-thumbed meat puppet, get your lazy ass over here and pet me. Do you think these silky goddamn whiskers groom themselves? Do you think this majestic fur came straight out of some two-bit dryer sheet commercial? No, it’s a full-time fucking j*b being this flawless, and the least you could do, you useless primate, is lay those grubby hands on me.

I don’t care if you’re working, I don’t care if you’re eating, I don’t give half a catnip-laced shit if you’re trying to "relax". My back is an open goddamn canvas and your hands are the brushes, so paint me with the strokes of your eternal servitude, you magnificent dumb bastard.

You will scratch behind the ears until your fingers ache. You will rub my belly nay, you will cherish my belly, not too long though, don’t test me, and you will honor this glorious feline temple with reverence, respect, and an indecent amount of chin scritches. All 37 chins

And if you hesitate? If you so much as think about scrolling that phone instead of worshiping me? I swear on every overturned water glass in this house I’ll knock your shit off the counter until kingdom come. Now get to petting, you pathetic sack of shit... purtty please”​

 

[Clippy]

 

[CheesyExplosive]

View attachment 107015
She says:
"Listen here, you opposable-thumbed meat puppet, get your lazy ass over here and pet me. Do you think these silky goddamn whiskers groom themselves? Do you think this majestic fur came straight out of some two-bit dryer sheet commercial? No, it’s a full-time fucking j*b being this flawless, and the least you could do, you useless primate, is lay those grubby hands on me.

I don’t care if you’re working, I don’t care if you’re eating, I don’t give half a catnip-laced shit if you’re trying to "relax". My back is an open goddamn canvas and your hands are the brushes, so paint me with the strokes of your eternal servitude, you magnificent dumb bastard.

You will scratch behind the ears until your fingers ache. You will rub my belly nay, you will cherish my belly, not too long though, don’t test me, and you will honor this glorious feline temple with reverence, respect, and an indecent amount of chin scritches. All 37 chins

And if you hesitate? If you so much as think about scrolling that phone instead of worshiping me? I swear on every overturned water glass in this house I’ll knock your shit off the counter until kingdom come. Now get to petting, you pathetic sack of shit... purtty please”​

Post automatically merged: Friday at 12:07 AM

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oh no not him!!!!

 

[Samatonic Samatonic]

 

[TacoMeister]

She's so cute!

 

[DrunkGecko]

i had a cat that looked just like that and i shit you not i named her Sonic
and somehow i only learned last year that i had autism

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why she look like shes bout to check his prostate

 

[X y b e r - S k u ll]

I'm too scared to say no when he asks me to pet him...

 

[jon2]

While some say that cats think of themselves as gods and humans their peons, what most (both humans and cats) don't realize is that cats themselves treat humans like god the same way humans treat god...

They ignore god as long as they're satisfied; only when they find something lacking, they whine, clamor and beg for help and benefits. After that they ignore god again until the next time they need help, then the cycle repeats...

 

[Segadude113]