You know what I mean.
Okay, Talk About It
There's a quality to a lot of Martin Scorsese movies that makes them challenging, at least to general audiences. When he shows crooks and hoodlums in classics like Goodfellas (1990), Casino (1995), or The Wolf of Wall Street (2013), he doesn't shy away from them having *fun*. They pal around, they get rich, these assholes enjoy their lives. They all have inevitable downturns as the criminal element catches up with them, sure, but Scorsese shows you *why* his protagonists choose this life. To audiences, I think, that makes the characters and their decisions more "real", or at least more relatable.(Arguably, his movies and others like New Jack City (1991) illustrate that wealth, no matter how it's attained, is the equivalent of success in America, and a crime lord and a CEO enjoy the American Dream equally as long as they don't get busted. Thaaaaat's a whole other topic though.)
S-Sorry tangent, I just ain't got the time.
Those are awfully grim examples! You can see though, how an *observably* good time translates to "Infectious Excitement!" on the pull quotes of a half-busted cardboard standee in a theater hallway. Take James Bond, for instance; he enjoys exotic vacations on the governments dime, and has more one-night stands than I've had good days. If he gets into a cool gunfight, or a car chase that ends in the grisly death of some idiots? There's a card in his wallet that says "To Whom It May Concern: I do what I want, take it up with the Queen."
This card, on the other hand, says that his wife died in the previous movie.
Whereas, when you see a video game created for a movie, you’re being *told* it’s a fun time. Free Guy (2021) is a recent example, the most popular game in the world is a visually boring Grand Theft Auto Online rip-off? It looks like something I’ll watch my nephew play for five minutes before I throw him outside on principle. The Last Starfighter (1984) is a particular favorite, where a kid playing a Star Wars: The Arcade Game knockoff is the hottest thing his community has *ever* seen. They come running like he’s pulling the Sword from the Stone, ‘ere Britannia’s King be Crowned.
The worst offender though? Virtual Reality. Years of clunky headsets keep illustrating that controlling a VR game is never more effective than the controllers and touchscreens that have been refined for decades. (It’s also part of why all the Metaverse/Web3.0 nonsense failed, insisting we wear an apparatus and navigate a boring storefront instead of pressing one button on the phone.) In movies though, VR gets to be hyper-mature technology, and can be used to navigate the Warner Bros. Gen X internet in Ready Player One (2018), or boring Call of Duty clones in Gamer (2009).
Remember Gamer? Gerard Butler and other felons are controlled by Twitch streamers to play a first person shooter? The big twist was Butler convincing his “pilot” to just let him move normally, like a version of Real Steel (2011) where it turns out the stupid human was just weighing down the robot the whole time. The problem though is the fictional games in these movies are a huge step down from the creativity games can already provide. I wouldn’t play...whatever the shooter in Gamer is called over Titanfall 2! Where’s my wall-running, grappling hooks, and giant mecha? I had to treat three separate groups of friends to this in theaters, and by viewing #2 I was hoping my *real* pals would stand up and put me out of my misery before viewing #3.
Also, I dunno how to classify Surf Ninjas, but I *do* know none of them can see that screen outside in the sun.
What About Adaptations?
Speaking of creativity, (none of which was harmed in this text, I *promise* you) straightforward adaptations don’t exactly portray the systems, sense of fun, or even sometimes the basic premise of the games their based on. Can you imagine a heartbroken young face, when you tell them there’s no button to throw a bucket of water at Sub-Zero, the moisture freezing into ninja-slaying projectiles? That you don’t play a superhuman witch with techno-magic in Resident Evil? Or the relief that Double Dragon is fucking *nothing* like the movie? All of the creative solutions and set-pieces tend to revolve around things you can’t do in playing the games themselves. Flicks like Borderlands (2024), and Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li (2009) aren't just terrible, terrible films, they don't incorporate any of the structure of the games they came from, nor hint at what makes those fun.S-Sorry rant about Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li, we already did that joke for Gamer.
As always, there’s exceptions. The end of Doom (2005) is just a cool live-action FPS sequence, a short apology for the movie you just watched. The original Mortal Kombat (1995) had the good sense to just be about a tournament, instead of the 2021 movie trying to re-invent the wheel and coming up with a macaroni picture of a rectangle to put on the fridge. Some kids definitely saw the '95 film and ran to the arcades, and maybe half of them stuck around after they found out the cabinet *doesn’t* play the same theme song.
Are They Getting Better Though?
A few years back, I got suckered into renting Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City (2021) by a few people claiming it was “the first good one.” Bastards. A couple hours later, and I’m composing bitter messages on my phone. “No Molly, I actually *can't* feed your cats this weekend, I spent my gas money on this movie you told me to watch, so now Tommy Lee Jones the Cat can fucking starve.” Raccoon City was slavishly devoted to the games, and was as fun as getting served court summons at a funeral. Matter of fact, Monster Hunter (2020), Mortal Kombat, Free Guy, and Raccoon City were all released within a year of each other, good god.I dunno, maybe Long Covid attacked the part of the brain that makes good movies?
Lately though, there’s some real turnaround. Animated series have always been better at game adaptations, and the recent Arcane is a new high watermark, but live-action Fallout was a shockingly good time. The three main characters each feel like separate builds to role play in the games, with protagonist Lucy having a journey not too far off from, say, Fallout 3. She explores, salvages, accepts bizarre quests, learns horrific shit in vaults, and chases after her beloved actor father. (I’ll concede that The Ghoul is basically endgame material, and wrapped up in all the lore of the setting unlike a player character...but at the risk of rambling? He’s the closest Fallout has to an Elminster now, a mentor figure of sorts who’s seen it all and done it all, but won’t rob the PC’s of an adventure for themselves. I’m not a big D&D head, so I hope you dorks can tell me if I used that right.)
Drop this sidewinder in the next Fallout, like Drizzt Do'Urden in Baldur's Gate, blowing into town on a mutant cayuse.
2024, however, saw the wide release of the greatest video game movie to date.
Was this *all* an excuse to talk about Hundreds of Beavers?
You're goddamn right it was!Take 'em by surprise.
All of the items he purchases are accompanied by video game sound effects, of course.
Classic Ubisoft open world design.
It’s also so, so absurdly funny. The first half-hour is nonstop gags by lead actor, Ryland Brickson Cole Tews, sporting an amazing knack for physical comedy. Most people get hit in the face or burned by a pan, we feel concern. Some beautiful souls, though, we can’t help laughing at their pain. It’s a wondrous gift.
Keep on shining, you crazy diamond.
I look to 2025 with some semblance of hope. It’s inevitable that we get more movies based on video games, Mario and Sonic all but guarantee that's the hot trend for the forseeable future. Maybe they recreate the sense of fun and progress that Hundreds of Beavers had in spades. Probably not, right? I just watched the Minecraft movie trailer for the first time minutes ago, and I'm toying with just deleting this positive ending. It's a new year though, and I haven't got a rewrite in me! Here’s hoping more movies tap into what makes a game worth playing.
I didn't exactly cover the history of the genre here, it's not that kinda internet spiel bruv, but if y'all have some films in mind that capture the feeling of a video game, or make you think "Damn, where's my Nokia N-Gage port?" Drop 'em below!
Best of luck with 2025.
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