Life-changing decision?

[Naltic]

Life is a rollercoaster, as many would say. The metaphor is saying that life, and all that you do in it, every decision you make, every friend, lover, and memory that you earnestly fight for, has, in some way, shape or form, built up the YOU that has led a life of both happy memories and bad memories. The metaphor further says that life is like that. One is meant to live a life of dichotomy of both terrible and beautiful memories, and one should understand this concept and accept it. One should accept reality and life for what it is, a hodgepodge of misery and happiness. But what brings about this misery? It surely can't come from nothing, right?

My question then becomes this: as you have walked the tough road of life and done many things in all the years of your living, which decision did you make that turned your life around and made you feel like you lost a part of yourself that you now can never get back? And were you able to bring that piece of yourself back?

I can start. The one decision I made, which I now feel like has changed me and made me lose a part of myself, is starting university. As weird as that sounds, now that I have officially started university and I guess have become a "grown-up", life has become...shallow, empty, and apathetic in many ways as I now feel like my childhood self has kind of withered away, and that fire that burned brightly before has now slowly died out. Now, this doesn't mean I regret and hate university, because I do love it; rather, it's the fact of learning that I am no longer my past self and that I now need to come to terms with that.

 

[bjork]

You're not supposed to stay the same forever, though. You said yourself, "a hodgepodge of misery and happiness." So perhaps university is a low point spiritually but satisfying in other ways, and when you're done, you'll miss the high spots but be glad to be rid of the lows?

I look back at stuff and choices I've made, and were it not for them happening in the sequence they did, I wouldn't be here now. I've lost friends, had an engagement go entirely sideways before ending, left jobs, had people die, etc. But there was always something good on the other end of that, that I might not have experienced otherwise. So sometimes things just suck, but you make it through and even if it's a small thing, there's always a positive to it.

I don't know if this counts as an answer to the question, but not everything lost is meant to be found again.

 

[Naltic]

You're not supposed to stay the same forever, though. You said yourself, "a hodgepodge of misery and happiness." So perhaps university is a low point spiritually but satisfying in other ways, and when you're done, you'll miss the high spots but be glad to be rid of the lows?

I look back at stuff and choices I've made, and were it not for them happening in the sequence they did, I wouldn't be here now. I've lost friends, had an engagement go entirely sideways before ending, left jobs, had people die, etc. But there was always something good on the other end of that, that I might not have experienced otherwise. So sometimes things just suck, but you make it through and even if it's a small thing, there's always a positive to it.

I don't know if this counts as an answer to the question, but not everything lost is meant to be found again.

True, life does go on. And who knows, maybe it's only when life sucks that one learns to prioritise the good moments one gets and consequently, have a better appreciation of life. Thanks for the reply.

 

[PhaseJump]

My life changed forever when I bought a family size box of Froot Loops for myself and totally forgot to buy any milk.

The decision to not immediately return to the grocery store is still haunting me. It's been 4 hours.

I can't live out my dream of eating junk food like a 9 year old.

What a horrible night to have a curse.

 

[PSVitaForever]

My question then becomes this: as you have walked the tough road of life and done many things in all the years of your living, which decision did you make that turned your life around and made you feel like you lost a part of yourself that you now can never get back? And were you able to bring that piece of yourself back?

We have taken care of a narcisist relative with dementia, without any support: though it's been a decision based on being good people and not tossing the person away in a retire house, after those years I feel like something inside me has died (or went asleep) but this is something that makes me suffer -not being able to find that spark anymore.

Though with another side of me I also agree with this.

You're not supposed to stay the same forever, though.

I look back at stuff and choices I've made, and were it not for them happening in the sequence they did, I wouldn't be here now.

 

[Waffles's iconWaffles]

The ages between 12-14 were extremely dark for me: I had become so incredibly withdrawn that all my friends just sort of gave up on me and moved on, which was then helped by the fact that my school made the absolutely "BRILLIANT" decision to mix and match both seventh grades, making so two relatively thriving rooms of 20-something tweens that had been more-or-less together since the very beginning had now turned into a massive hodgepodge of 43 strangers that were shoved into a room meant to fit maybe half that amount. Why? Because nobody cared what we thought! We were the students! My best friend pulled out immediately and I just didn't have anything in common with neither my old group (now mostly depleted, because a lot of parents weren't cool with this) and the new one, which I didn't even know. Isolation became such a burden for me that I just spent a crap ton of time alone... until, due to some amazingly screwy timing, I fucked up and ended up in the wrong gym class for a day, whereupon I met a couple of older kids who were ditching or just half-assing it (I never knew exactly which). We became fast friends and everything seemed to be looking up for the first time in months.

... But these guys had a huge Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde complex! They'd be nice enough during the day but, as soon as night fell, they just turned around: they were vicious, mean, and just aggressive in general, as if daring you to keep up -- and I did because, well, what was my other option? Dead by a thousand modem sounds? No way.

I mostly winged it through that first part of our (very one-sided) friendship until I turned 14, then I was given my first joint (literally shoved on my mouth) and several shots of whiskey (which tasted like a zoo on fire)... And, in a turn of events that could make for a brilliantly predictable "peer pressure" PSA, I kept on going just to remain within this group's "good graces". At one point I made it home at literal dawn, stumbling and smelling strongly of chemical warfare -- I was sure my grandpa was going to kill me, not in the least because we had had to leave the door unlocked because he couldn't put the deadbolt on with me still outside and unaccounted for.

Shouting matches became a daily thing on my house, helped by how angry and annoyed I had become (with teenhood being only teensy bit responsible and shouldering nearly none of the blame), and I was soon shipped off three hundred kilometers away with nothing but the clothes on my back to "fix this crap", which I largely did.

I was entirely responsible for keeping up with this group when it was clearly damming and damaging me, though, that was nobody's fault but mine, but I kinda wished someone would have provided some guidance before this escalated and spiraled so out of control.

So, yeah, bad company and weak morals. Worst life-changing decision ever? It certainly wasn't pretty, but I'm not sure -- it dropped enough building blocks for me to do something with them, including meeting some of the most memorable people ever as a direct result of moving away.

 

[qw90700]

I guess me high school life made me the person who I am for many reasons: Experiencing a zoo in diguise of a school, dealing with the puberty of others, gaining a complete awareness on how people really are and all... Child in me is part of my humanity therefore he will never fade away, but naturally my life experiences in high school made me develop a persona to deal with life.

Until high school stupid kindergarten shit was "hell" but until high school I did overestimate how BS it was, high school was worse. Girls calling you "gay" because you are not pervert, guy calls you "soft" because you don't prefer to solve problems with violence, teachers call you "you study too much because you have no future in this country" as if there is no other country in this world. Perhaps it was the time that I really realized no one can see me, they all just create a "me" in their delusional reality and make this broken reflection of me with whatever BS they want. It was when I realized you either have an use for people for they like what you do or you are useless to them so they hate your whole existence. So naturally teen drama is worst shit you can even experience. Some kid decides how you are by stating their opinion alone without any care for your intent, don't even ask "why you do it", they just assume shit about you. I was even the person people blamed for anything happening just because "he is different therefore he is up to no good".

And then my friends were changed too. Hating you "for no reason", people come to your life and "liking you for no reason" and then you figure out there was a hidden motive behind their BS. I learn people talk behind my back with false information and people without questioning believe any shit. Really high school was even worse than pre-school and in pre-school kids were mindlessly violent and stupid enough to have fun coughing at the face of other kids for fun lol.

Then honestly starting the university things get way better for a good reason: Due to education people had no life other than studying all the time so no drama or shit, people learned to how to act like a human being and let tons of their "intrusive thoughts" just for the sake of group harmony that only was broken when egos were hurt. Naturally how university life is depends on your subject and school too, mine was "high science stuff" so it wasn't a place for "I just wanna get laid", but sometimes it turned into a place of "I disagree with your statement, professor, I don't think this is how we can explain X and Y human behavior in relation to genders" and then "Professor, do you really believe America would intentionally a shadow actor on using drugs for the benefit of their economy? You have no brain and I thought this school supposed to be decent" lol. My subject is so hardcore people usually complete it in a decade because it's about changing your POV on how people are and therefore how world really is.

And then working in many jobs with adults, I started to think how trivially temporary school life was. Adults are more like "depressed teens with more knowledge" so high school shit never ends, but at least they are manageable. They only care about who is harmful or not, and because of it for the sake of workplace harmony you find yourself sitting down and act like you listen to their marriage and parental problems lol.

Back then I was kinda resentful to the world for making me turn into a person I don't want, but at this "old enough age" I'm aware that "it's the rule of the game" so it's like making money. You may dislike your job but this emotion doesn't matter and therefore ignorable because what matters is making money and this is a good thing to feel happy about. So in this context I may have to be a person I don't want but at least it's how I can get what I want so this is what matters. I can always be my "own version", like being an actor in my own way to have fun with a script I don't care and the character I play despite I dislike it. This is a big reason for my sense of humor and turning everything into a parody. Ancient psychologists may call it "defense mechanism" and society may call it "you ain't funny dude" but my sense of humor is not for defense or to make it funny, it's just a fun way to live a life yo. So what was my "decision that changed my life"?: During high school I decided life is not a serious shit to care about. It may make me don't live seriously so I kinda always live with mentality of "it's ok if it doesn't kill and it's also more ok if it kills you" mentality so I use life as a temporary place to have fun and ignore people exist and I ignore what they even think about. People come and go and they all seem like mindless beings just chemically reacting. This is me teen mentality that still lingers lol.

 

[sneakyguts]

i got married 5 years ago

 

[Dany28]

Is a sad story that I have experienced for years. Back then I was at the beginning of my train driver training, I met a nice woman there she worked as a secretary at Deutsche Bahn AG where I also work. She was great and I thought I had really found the woman for life but the problem was she was too greedy I would say she had a strange goal for her life and she was obsessed with being rich and becoming a big businesswoman. I didn't have such goals I was satisfied with the fact that I was accepted to train as a train driver that is not so easy to become in Germany. One day we had a bad argument It was so bad that she just climbed into her car and drove away. The next day I was told that she was killed in a car accident. People I think that was the blackest day in my whole life and the worst thing was what I said to her last and with that I hurt her very much.It was a hard and sad time I was plagued by feelings of guilt I always asked myself the question why I didn't investigate her to stop her in the car. Of course it wasn't my fault but I felt guilty whether I made the right decision I think I'll have to live with it. I don't know if this fits this thread but that was my worst experience so far.

 

[Yousef Yousef]

I really don’t think this concept exists in the way you’d think it does. Our life is shaped by habits and goals, rather than one singular decision. It’s why you see a lot of folks end up with a job that they feel doesn’t match their major, or just end up working at home it wasn’t college or school that set them on an unwoven, it was a combination of differently nuanced set of circumstances and decisions, and how we chose to conduct ourselves in the heat of the moment. We also all share different nuances in our individual lives so one plan that worked for you (e.g dropping out then getting back to college later) may not work for everyone else and Vice versa because each decision carries a different kind of weight that affects each individual differently. There’s no real clear cut answer in the end, and the one you’d come up with would be either for food for thought, a conversation piece or confirmation bias.

 

[kuroninneko]

I used to have a very critical inner voice. At the time I thought of it as something like a higher self. Nothing I did was good enough for it and I always did my best. One day I decided it was dead weight and told it to go away if it can not accept me. When it was gone I was able to appreciate being in the moment and being happy for smaller things (for example dinner for that day, or an hour of working on something creative). It was like it was in the way of reaching my goals the entire time. I believe in the idea of a higher self that we must reach but also learned that there is a false version of this that is unforgiving and extremely critical and its goal is to destroy us

 

[qw90700]

higher self

Ancient psychologists calls it "super ego" but I call it "super bitch" because all it does it bitching lol. So gotta find your real voice that actually tells you what you really want.

I accept not everyone is the same, so I realized "following your emotions" is not a good way for me. My emotions are stupid that's why lol. I kinda had to be in a stupid friendship to realize that, despite I love that person but we being together was harmful for both of us so I had to cut our emotional bond with a chainsaw and say "au revoir" to that person never to look back anymore.

It may not be the right decision but life is not that simple enough to reduce our decisions to subjective concepts like "right" or "morally bad", all we gotta do is maximize our gain by minimizing what we lose in the context of what really matters and what we really want, therefore I know my decision was mutual wish we both had but only I had the "guts" to do it, so if I didn't do it sooner it would end in war by the other side.

Sometimes you shouldn't look at the bridges that will be burned so you just gotta jump down without questioning how high the fall will be because sooner you bail out it's the better lol.

 

[Cardboardtubeknight Cardboardtubeknight]

I'm so competitive I didn't even like losing my virginity

 

[nobitakun]

Working overseas is one life changing decission I've made. But because I've learnt since I was a little kid that breaking with your current life will always lead to a new one, not better nor worse, just different, and each one's job is to shape it to be the way we want it.

As confuncious said, the only thing that remains is the change. Let's enjoy it :)

 

[LiberoVulpesLiberoVulpes's icon]

Dropped from engineering, went for the entire field of humanities, sacrificed financial stability for knowing exactly how people and society operate, why? Cause I could. 5 degrees in, and I can be considered an expert in over 12 fields, I got tired of academia and its elitism, so I just go about it on my own these days.

Is there a meaning to it? No, to pursue the meaningless just cause is very liberating, absurdism is fun.

Regrets? None, simple stoic life suits me just fine.

At the end of the day, I am a scholar who likes to know as much as possible.

It was course correction, a moment of lucidity.

Life changing things are an amalgamation of happenstances and consequences, 1 decision alone won't change your life. My decision was solely a consequence of who I am and everything that implies.

 

[Dyne]

At 25, I wasn't doing shit with my life and wanted a change.
So I joined the military.

I definitely got the change I was looking for. Some for good, some not so good. But if I wanted life to be more of an adventure then thats what I got. I was only in the military for 4 years but it really changed the trajectory of my entire life.

Almost 20 years later, I've been back to my home town 3 times. It almost feels like a past life.