I Present A Strange Hypothetical...

[Ian Naxieas]

I apologize for the lame title, I could not think of how to word my idea well enough to be short enough for a title. Anyway, let's get down to business!

So, let's say you're in a I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream situation. AM has you captive and thinks up a really silly way to torment you. You have to play through every single video game ever released, console by console. Or arcade machine. Or PC game. Whatever, you get the point.

My question is, what library are you looking forward to the least? As in, what would be the most painful library to work your way through? Time is irrelevant. Language is also irrelevant, you have all the time you need to learn whatever language the game calls for.

For single player games, you have to beat them 100%. For multiplayer only games you are given an opponent you need to consistently beat. If the game only has a score system and not an ending, you have to beat the highest recorded score. If the game is unbeatable due to glitches or bugs, don't worry, you have plenty of time to learn how to program and fix the game so it can be finished!

I'll answer later on, I want to see what ya'll have to say first.

 

[LunacyHalucinator]

Tiger handhelds

 

[Cu-Neo]

Maybe it would be the Arcade machine catalogue. Not because the games are bad but I would be poor forever with no coins because I know I am going to lose a lot against things like this guy.

The original version of the General is no Joke ?.

 

[Stookymalarkey]

Maybe something ancient like the Atari 2600 or the Jaguar. I remember hating the latter's controller with a vengence.

 

[Yousef]

I present you with another hypothetical…
Why are you in a box? Why trapped you? Was it…? Spider-Man?!

 

[Stookymalarkey]

It might be a Saw situation where he's rigged with explosives if he refuses. Or a Silent Hill 4 experience where he wakes up inside the seamless box with no explanation.

 

[Nebulon_Galaxy]

I present you with another hypothetical…
Why are you in a box? Why trapped you? Was it…? Spider-Man?!

I counter your hypothetical with my own hypothetical question!
But where's the sheriff?

 

[Waffles's iconWaffles]

I think... the CDI.

 

[Somnia]

I feel like the common answer would be a system like the CDi or the Atari 5200 cause they're notoriously bad libraries. The problem is that they're also really small though so the torment wouldn't last long.

Honestly, I'd go with PC even though its a copout. Not only are there more games than on any other platform but most of the worst and most obscure jank of all time lives in the dark depths of PC gaming. Just watching Civvie11's videos on janky PC FPS games fills me with dread.

 

[ATenderLad]

I'm guessing by the time I'd finished every MS-DOS game ever released, all the HATE scrawled across every nano-angstrom of AM's circuits would look pretty chill by comparison.

 

[RageBurner]

Probably the Jaguar. Cybermorph is only letter C and it would already be mind-meltingly torturous.

 

[Yousef]

Probably the Jaguar. Cybermorph is only letter C and it would already be mind-meltingly torturous.

Hey look, the jaguar had the best game in gaming games

I genuinely hate myself for posting this.

 

[χKai]

It's between the Commodore, ZX Spectrum, and Sharp X68000.

 

[RageBurner]

Hey look, the jaguar had the best game in gaming games
View attachment 15470
I genuinely hate myself for posting this.

In fairness, Bubsy spread the misfortune of its existence to many platforms.

 

[Yousef]

In fairness, Bubsy spread the misfortune of its existence to many platforms.

Parasites do work that way, yes

 

[RageBurner]

To further solidify my point about the Jaguar, remember this sound bite plays in Cybermorph ever time you crash the ship (happens painfully often; bad controls, slow gameplay, featureless terrain...)

 

[χKai]

To further solidify my point about the Jaguar, remember this sound bite plays in Cybermorph ever time you crash the ship (happens painfully often; bad controls, slow gameplay, featureless terrain...)

Where did you learn to fly
where did  you learn to fly
*Begins beatboxing to the repetitive question*

 

[RageBurner]

Where did you learn to fly
where did  you learn to fly
*Begins beatboxing to the repetitive question*

And here's another:
Who designed this AI
Who designed this AI

There so many relatable and even funny AI support characters in games (ADA from Zone of the Enders, Claptrap from Borderlands, K.I.T.T from Knight Rider), but this? not one is this one souless, it exists to berate the player.

 

[χKai]

And here's another:
Who designed this AI
Who designed this AI

There so many relatable and even funny AI support characters in games (ADA from Zone of the Enders, Claptrap from Borderlands, K.I.T.T from Knight Rider), but this? not one is this one souless, it exists to berate the player.

Resisting the urge to post GLaDOS from Portal

 

[bjork]

Probably PC, just for the sheer amount of what's available and the swings in quality. That said, I'm unwilling to learn to reprogram for every system ever, so I don't know what the penalty is, but I might as well receive it moment one.

 

[RageBurner]

Resisting the urge to post GLaDOS from Portal

I thought about GlaDOS, and even though I love the character, she's anything but a sidekick. She... well, it, is lovable in a kind of psychotic kind of way.

 

[χKai]

I thought about GlaDOS, and even though I love the character, she's anything but a sidekick. She... well, it, is lovable in a kind of psychotic kind of way.

She's kind of a support character.. >_>;

 

[Somnia]

To further solidify my point about the Jaguar, remember this sound bite plays in Cybermorph ever time you crash the ship (happens painfully often; bad controls, slow gameplay, featureless terrain...)

Honestly it isn't that bad of a game! Controls well and you won't hear that voice clip all that often after you adjust. I played it on a whim with a buddy a couple months ago and we were kinda shocked given its reputation. Won't rock anyone's world or anything but its a short-yet-decent little game that doesn't overstay its welcome too bad.

Perfectly alright for a launch title imo.

 

[RageBurner]

Honestly it isn't that bad of a game! Controls well and you won't hear that voice clip all that often after you adjust. I played it on a whim with a buddy a couple months ago and we were kinda shocked given its reputation. Won't rock anyone's world or anything but its a short-yet-decent little game that doesn't overstay its welcome too bad.

Perfectly alright for a launch title imo.

I know I went for a low hanging fruit with Cybermorph, sorry LOL.

 

[Yousef]

I know I went for a low hanging fruit with Cybermorph, sorry LOL.

Did it taste good?