Doom (2005) - The Rock, Schlock, and Two Smoking Barrels

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"Rip and tear your way out of the theater, before the lights go down!"

Being a visual medium, video games are chock-a-block with movie references, inspirations, and sometimes downright theft. At some point, movies were due to return the favor. Super Mario Bros. (1993) was a rough start to that relationship - like having a first date at your colonoscopy - but Mortal Kombat (1995) saw Paul W.S. Anderson direct the first hit video game movie, making several times it's budget. The turn of the Willennium saw a rising trend; Lara Croft: Tomb Raider (2001) was the biggest hit at Paramount in 2001, with a total gross just behind the original Fast and Furious. (It was also the highest opening debut - 40 million - for a movie headlined by a woman ever at the time). Resident Evil - also by Paul W.S. Anderson, who directs so many movies with his wife, Milla Jovovich, in skintight outfits that it must be a fetish we're all participating in - shot off to a modest start the very next year, and churned out profitable sequels in no time flat. The pump was primed and the timing was perfect for another hit video game adaptation...right?

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Oh hell, he spotted that lazy foreshadowing! Start the car, START THE CAR!
At that point, a Doom movie was...well it had to be inevitable, right? The first-person shooter that made FPS a common phrase (after we stopped saying "Doom Clone", that is), Doom was an American hit franchise that borrowed liberally from Aliens (1982). Guns, guitars, and big-ass monsters; they'd need a budget, but it had to seem like a safe bet. It wasn't even a new idea, a Doom movie had been floated around in the late 90's - with no less than Arnold Schwarzenegger as the lead, the Doom Guy! - but Columbine made that a dicey proposition at the time. After years of terrible scripts and false starts however, Doom finally moved into production. A big action movie demands a big star, and Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson was taking off. The Rundown (2003) had even featured a brief cameo from Schwarzenegger to "pass the torch" to the WWF superstar, heir apparent to the Action Throne. There was plenty of precedent for wrestlers making the jump to movies, but no one before or since stuck that landing like The Rock.

A Brief(?) Aside About Wrestlers In Movies​

Today we know Dwayne Johnson as one of the biggest stars in movies, being able to charge a cool million to show up for three seconds in Fast X. He's had some recent setbacks, and going over the ups and downs of his career...well, this article isn't solely about The Rock, another time perhaps. He has competition though, with John Cena and Dave Bautista having followed in his footsteps to make their own multimedia careers. Of the three, I actually think Cena may be the better actor, willing to get weird and vulnerable in ways that Johnson hasn't attempted in years. (He's easily the funniest.) Bautista is pretty beloved by cinephiles, but he hasn't had a real strong starring role in anything but ensembles like Guardians of the Galaxy, where he's sharing screen time with a host of other actors.

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He changed the game for big guys with tiny glasses though.
There were forerunners for these guys though, clear analogues in some of the biggest stars of the 80's wrestling circuits: Hulk Hogan, André The Giant, and "Rowdy" Roddy Piper. (Honorable mention to Jesse "The Body" Ventura for his lines in Predator, "I ain't got time to bleed.", and "This stuff will make you a goddamned sexual Tyrannosaurus, like me!")

Hogan was the best known, easily, but I'll get this out of the way now: The guy was a *terrible* actor, just a dogshit thespian. Professional wrestling demands just as much dramatic flair as it does biceps the size of a truck, but Hogan spent his golden years as America's Superhero; the good guy, vibing on the audience's cheers til he reached Terminal Hulkamania and dominated, like a pressure cooker with steroid-induced flop sweats. He never really had to prove he had range, and his film career didn't show off any hidden depths lurking beneath the cocaine-dusted surface. After a cameo in Rocky III made Hogan "The big guy from Rocky III", he became sorta familiar to most audiences and nearly a god to Italian-Americans. Naturally, he used that foot in the door to star in in terrible flicks like No Holds Barred, Suburban Commando, and 3 Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mountain. (There was also a more recent movie with him and Bubba The Love Sponge's wife, maybe you've heard of it.)

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There was also Mr. Nanny (1993). Here it is looking like a mad lib come to life; "So far we have: Hulk Hogan and The Husband From The Jeffersons are at Their Mom's Retirement Home In Florida while training for a Ballet Recital."
Ironically, while the Hulkster got to triumph over them in the ring, his rivals were the real winners on the big screen. André the Giant featured in no less than The Princess Bride (1987), as the muscle of a trio of hoodlums for hire. He's the charming best friend of a scoundrel, the gentlest of giants; really, he's a shaved Chewbacca with a French accent. Very endearing, and one of the best movies anyone I mention in this article got to be in. I spent awhile refreshing my memory and reading about his life, and while he played the heel in his day job of Wrestling Monster, André Roussimoff was pretty well beloved in life. That's nothing to do with movies, I just really liked the guy.

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An absolute prince.
Piper, on the other hand, was known for pairing verbal assaults with *actual* assaults. The guy basically had an interview segment during WWF events to trash his opponents before smacking them around; somebody had to be the bastard, and he was damn good at it. Roddy had a *lot* of forgettable action movies, and even a cult hit with Hell Comes to Frogtown (1988), but 1988 also saw Roddy star in his biggest success: John Carpenter's They Live (1988). A paranoid sci-fi actioner about aliens controlling the Earth *and* a creative lambasting of the commercial "brainwashing" of Reagan's America, They Live saw Roddy Piper saving the earth and casually dropping the best line Duke Nukem ever ripped off. (Another fun tie to video games is Saints Row IV, with a massive homage to They Live that reunited Piper and his co-star Keith David. Y'all know Saints Row IV is better than every Grand Theft Auto, right?)

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Hail to the king, baby.

Back to Doom...I know, I'm not happy about it either.​

Shockingly, The Rock passed on being the lead. It's his name first on the marquee, and he's front and center in the marketing, but Dwayne Johnson chose to take the part of the main antagonist - initially a friend before a face heel turn - after joining the cast. The lead role of "John Grimm" went to Karl Urban instead, best known at the time as a side character in The Lord of The Rings. (He was Eomer, as if you didn't already know, nerd.) Johnson said it seemed like the more interesting part, and on paper, I'm sure that's true. In the movie, though? Well, let's get into it.

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"Sarge, the cellophane! It's not holding, they're breaking thr-!"
In 2026 (just next year!), dorks looking for dinosaur bones or something in Nevada find a portal instead, to Mars of all places. There were humans on the red planet once, and they built a door to Earth, dubbed "The Ark" by archaeologists. An obligatory Weyland-Yutani knockoff corporation - UAC, just like in the video games - sends research teams to the other side of this cosmic fast-travel point, finding an ancient city on Mars the movie calls Olduvai. (Named for the gorge in Tanzania, where some of the oldest fossils and tools used by early humans were found; y'all ever just lose a few hours clicking around Wikipedia?) Flash-forward twenty years, and the UAC research base is under quarantine and requesting military intervention. A small squad of elite Marines find out their R&R just got cut short, and they hop a ride through The Ark to investigate whatever terror lurks on Mars.

The Rock plays team leader "Sarge", a bizarre choice of name given that U.S. Marines *hate* that phrase. The most generous thing I can say is that he does what the part calls for; barking orders while showing concern for the team, until it's time to choose between them or the mission. He's not too crude, not too nice, "professional" is the best word for it. The little bit of character he gets is his child-like glee at handling the BFG, which apparently Johnson made sure to take home with him after making the movie. It would be several years before he discovered the secret to making a character like this work in Fast Five (2011): Call everyone "Boy" and sweat *profusely*.

His right-hand man is Karl Urban's John "Reaper" Grimm, and I'm guessing he's damned thankful the boys didn't name him "Fairy Tale" instead. I can't say much about Urban's acting, his characters only defining trait is "Protagonist", he could practically be silent and the movie wouldn't change. Anyways, Reaper is our Doom Guy, more or less; he's been given a backstory tied to the plot, having grown up the child of researchers on Olduvai. They perished in an accident, and John leaves his younger sister Samantha to go enlist. She grows up and follows the family track instead, becoming a UAC scientist herself. Played by Rosamund Pike in the very early days of her career, Sam Grimm is the team's contact on Mars, saddled with explaining technical jargon and telling the audience what's going on with clunky exposition. It's a thankless role, and Pike reads off most of her boring lines like she's going over a receipt to figure out if the cashier flubbed her change.

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Urban and Pike, pictured here sharing the same thought: "Please, don't let this be the one they remember me for."
Does everyone die? Yeah, of course. Does Reaper blast a bunch of demons? Not till the end...wait, *are* they demons though?

That's something nerds hated when the movie released; the monsters are all people changed by genetic testing. Apparently, Martian folks loved them some gene therapy, and started handing out extra chromosomes to spice up games of Twister or something. Some of them became superhuman, others turned into nightmares. Why the difference?

EVIL—no, really. Sam mentions genetic dispositions for violence and instability, Reaper asks if genes can be evil, and Rosamund Pike *with a straight face* says "10 percent of the human genome hasn't been mapped, they say it might be the soul." I don't understand why they had to use eugenics to replace any religious implications, it was 2005. The games had been around for over a decade, and America especially was gripped with Da Vinci Code fever; being sacrilegious was the hot ticket, yet the guys making the gory action movie were seemingly hoping church groups would buy out a private screening for their congregations.

No hellish incursions or brimstone labyrinths, then; just a by-the-numbers Aliens clone with a BFG. The Rock fingers some monkey blood and monsters out, the proper reward for just *touching shit* in a sci-fi movie. (That's not actually how the genetic tampering spreads, but come on, there's a quarantine in effect, man!) The rest of the team gets wasted by the transformed researchers, including one memorable murder in a bathroom stall. After a few close encounters, Reaper is left bleeding out; Sam injects her brother with Martian how-do-you-do and wouldn't you know it? He's the kind of genetically good person who has a positive reaction. Of course he does, he's *Karl Urban*, baby! After getting his Protagonist Booster Shot, Reaper depopulates Mars in a first-person sequence that's fun but brief. It's the highlight of the movie, but we're talking five minutes right at the end. Then he just has to win a boss fight with The Rock (The Brimstone?), which manages to be a pretty boring fist fight with some clumsy wire-work like a halfhearted wuxia movie. It was the 2000's, the Matrix series was making money, we just did that back then.

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If they had just *combined* the wuxia stuntwork with chainsaws, we'd be watching Doom 9: Hurt Me Plenty right now.
One of the stranger choices of the movie was how long it played Monster Peek-a-Boo, which is what I call horror/slashers teasing the moment when danger strikes early on.
You know what I mean, the bits where the teenagers have just arrived at the cabin, when suddenly! A rattle by the door, what fell dread does this portend?! IS THIS—no, sorry, it was a cat, you guys, I'm just a little jumpy. It's a way for the movie to keep you on your toes without breaking the "normalcy" of the setting, the screaming hasn't started yet. Doom stretches that shit out for days, the pacing and reveals come slowly, then all at once in a rush that requires Sarge to have a *dramatic* change in temperament. They can't even blame it on the monster genes, he isn't "turned" until the end. Who wrote this?

A brief aside on writer David Callaham.​

Fuck David Callaham.


Oh.​

Yeah...anyways the director is a more disappointing story, one Andrzej Bartkowiak. The cinematographer for the legendary Sidney Lumet in his later years, Bartkowiak shot classic drama and action, like Terms of Endearment (1983) and Speed (1994). Cinematographers and directors of photography often make a leap to directing, but Andrzej landed weird and broke a leg. I'll admit to liking Romeo Must Die (2000), but the rest of his directorial efforts are a pit of despair. Special note for this website, he also directed Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun LI (2009), a movie so terrible that it would bring out the nastiest side of me to write about. (Genuinely, if you ever see that review go up, assume I'm having the worst day of my life.) His work here is underwhelming, with an aesthetic that's mostly dark corridors covered in brown and gray, and blue lighting strewn about to add a little texture to the shadows. It's a horror movie with too little dread and atmosphere to be scary, and an action movie that's light on excitement and only features one solid set-piece in the third act. It's not especially interesting science-fiction either, since questions like "Are we saying humanity originally came from Mars?" actually go completely unexplored.

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We're just not touching that, Movie? Not even a *little* curious?

Does any of this junk work?​

Some of it! The most impressive part of Doom was the FPS sequence, which took two weeks to shoot and three months to plan out in advance. John Farhat was the visual effects lead and director for the scene, and the DVD release had a great interview with him about the challenges of making it work. A really interesting note was about the aspect ratio of games at the time - 4:3 - and how that allows room to see over your weapon, whereas a widescreen movie - 2.40:1 usually - doesn't have the space for. It *does* mean you have a huge increase in peripheral vision, so they could have more fun with monsters creeping around Reaper, but they had to have him lower his gun as often as possible for the sake of visual clarity. (Is this interesting? It is to me, for some reason; I once called a family member to tell them the Disney+ version of Oklahoma! (1955) was the Todd-AO 70mm widescreen version running at 30 frames per second, and god help me reader, I was *excited*).

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The DVD extras are pretty fuzzy, but you can see the effect an aspect ratio can have on a shooter here.
They also made an interesting choice to go practical wherever possible, with monsters by the Oscar-winning Stan Winston and his team. These guys made all the fun monsters, from the Xenomorph Queen in Aliens (1986) to the eponymous hunter from Predator (1987). The makeup work and suit designs were elaborate, and while it's not their most iconic work, the tangible effects add some heft to the action and gore.

Is it Doom?​

The whole production is stuffed with easter eggs and references, from the facility being run by a Dr. Carmack to the BFG 3000. There's a lot of cheeky dialogue at the beginning like "Get your game faces on", and ultimately the FPS set piece is probably what fans wanted from a Doom movie in the first place. There's some heavy metal in the soundtrack that's used sparingly, but it's applied at random throughout the movie; one bizarre usage is a few heavy chords played after the squad takes their first casualty. Not for the actual monster attack, just the scene transition from the fallen comrades body. (It's a nitpick, but weird enough it stuck in my head.) Where the Doom games are about a fast-paced experience that leaves you screaming at the powers-that-be—like quaffing cheap energy drinks while running full speed down a flight of stairs with an AMV set to Linkin Park blaring in your headphones—the movie is content to trade adrenaline for a shoddy Aliens imitation. The fan-service and vaguely familiar plot elements are just Doom-scented candles, lit up to lend some stank to the proceedings.

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Also, they called this the Bio Force Gun...Cowards.

Should I watch it?​

Hell no. In the end, the movie is adapting a game that was derivative of several movies, and the results are twice-warmed cinema leftovers. The Thing (1982) and Event Horizon (1997) are both better versions of a sci-fi haunted house story, and if you *need* an underwhelming Alien movie, AVP: Alien Vs. Predator (2004) came out just the year before.

There's one redeeming quality to Doom, and you don't need to watch the rest of the movie to understand or enjoy it.

 
Ah, that's true. Forgot about Spike's article.

I actually have an interesting angle for the Street Fighter movie. Or maybe, I'll finally sit down and watch Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within. Can't be that bad, right? right?????
Riiiiight, I'd forgotten about Spirits Within. That's all you, friend. (My only memory of it was failing to pay attention while my old man was having a rowdy poker night, and returning the rental the next day.)
 
Riiiiight, I'd forgotten about Spirits Within. That's all you, friend. (My only memory of it was failing to pay attention while my old man was having a rowdy poker night, and returning the rental the next day.)

Damn. That bad, huh? Well I'll have to prepare psychologically for it. It has the unfortunate reputation of putting Squaresoft on its death bed and forcing the Enix merger. One day, i'll check it out.

But yeah, I actually liked the Super Mario Bros movie for some strange reason. Street Fighter the movie is bad but somewhat entertaining in a B movie way and it features the last performance of a national hero over here. So if you want to we could share perspectives on that one, it could be a fun article.
 

He's such a talented actor he can't help to steal the scenes he is in. He knew the movie was shlock and he played his role perfectly. Crank it up to 11 and play it as hammy as possible. The sad story is that he was dying of cancer in that movie and before he left the planet he wanted to be in a movie his kids would enjoy. I think his kids were Street Fighter fans and convinced him to take the role.

And yes, he is literally a national hero over here. The only Puertorrican to win an Oscar Emmy, Tony and Golden Globe and a humanitarian. Our fine arts theater is named after Raul Julia. He represented the island with pride and dignity and we will always love him for it.
 
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He's such a talented actor he can't help to steal the scenes he is in. He knew the movie was shlock and he played his role perfectly. Crank it up to 11 and play it as hammy as possible. The sad story is that he was dying of cancer in that movie and before he left the planet he wanted to be in a movie his kids would enjoy. I think his kids were Street Fighter fans and convinced him to take the role.

And yes, he is literally a national hero over here. The only Puertorrican to win an Oscar Emmy, Tony and Golden Globe and a humanitarian. Our fine arts theater is named after Raul Julia. He represented the island with pride and dignity and we will always love him for it.
I was introduced to Julia through his role as Gomez in Addams Family Values. I still think he's the best Gomez to date.

As bad as the Street Fighter movie is, it's worth watching just to see Julia's performance. He had so much charisma and charm!
 
I was introduced to Julia through his role as Gomez in Addams Family Values. I still think he's the best Gomez to date.

As bad as the Street Fighter movie is, it's worth watching just to see Julia's performance. He had so much charisma and charm!

The movie was unusually popular over here because it came out during the mourning period after his death. My dad wanted to watch it more than I did because Raul Julia was one of his idols.
 
He's such a talented actor he can't help to steal the scenes he is in. He knew the movie was shlock and he played his role perfectly. Crank it up to 11 and play it as hammy as possible. The sad story is that he was dying of cancer in that movie and before he left the planet he wanted to be in a movie his kids would enjoy. I think his kids were Street Fighter fans and convinced him to take the role.

And yes, he is literally a national hero over here. The only Puertorrican to win an Oscar Emmy, Tony and Golden Globe and a humanitarian. Our fine arts theater is named after Raul Julia. He represented the island with pride and dignity and we will always love him for it.
He was like the silver lining in several movies, there's a flick called Tequila Sunrise with big name actors like Mel Gibson and Kurt Russel; it has an reputation as a solid movie but I think it's a complete snooze until Raul Julia breezes into the picture in the third act. He's so much better than everyone else that it feels like a different film, like he pulled them into his orbit.
 
He was like the silver lining in several movies, there's a flick called Tequila Sunrise with big name actors like Mel Gibson and Kurt Russel; it has an reputation as a solid movie but I think it's a complete snooze until Raul Julia breezes into the picture in the third act. He's so much better than everyone else that it feels like a different film, like he pulled them into his orbit.

Well, there's a big difference between someone who studied theater all their life and has played a thousand roles vs a good looking Hollywood actor. No offense to Mel Gibson, but he pretty much plays himself in most movies. And he has a charming personality so he doesn't need to do anything more. But the so called character actors always stand out because they can morph into anything the movie demands.
 
Street Fighter the movie is bad but somewhat entertaining in a B movie way and it features the last performance of a national hero over here.
Legit one of my favourite movies of all time and I'm not even exaggerating. The pure entertainment value of it is staggering, assuming you're capable of enjoying something objectively terrible of course. And like you said, Raul Julia, the sweetest prince who's soul may forever rest in peace, makes the godamn movie.

Addams Family Values. I still think he's the best Gomez to date.
The OG John Astin will never be replaced for me, but Raul Julia is right behind him.
 
I was introduced to Julia through his role as Gomez in Addams Family Values. I still think he's the best Gomez to date.

As bad as the Street Fighter movie is, it's worth watching just to see Julia's performance. He had so much charisma and charm!
I think Addams Family Values might be one of the best examples of a sequel that's better than the original. The first one is *fine*, but rewatching them last year I realized every great joke I remember was in the second movie.

"I'll bet he's a real ladykiller!" *Gomez lowers his cigar* "Aquitted!"
 
I think Addams Family Values might be one of the best examples of a sequel that's better than the original. The first one is *fine*, but rewatching them last year I realized every great joke I remember was in the second movie.

"I'll bet he's a real ladykiller!" *Gomez lowers his cigar* "Aquitted!"
Not to mention that iconic Thanksgiving scene! There's so much subtext to glean from it.
 
It's weird, he started on this movie and then failed up to Expendables. He's also responsible for Mortal Kombat (2021) and Wonder Woman 1984 (2020). I can't say I've caught whatever his style is, but Godzilla (2014) is his only major solo credit...which is pretty decent?

I can't really give Callaham the credit though, that really belongs to the director Gareth Edwards and the phenomenal visuals; I don't think there's another Godzilla movie that conveys the sheer *size* quite so well. Equally good is the sound design, watching that one in the theater made you feel small, like these behemoths might trample you at any moment.

(I kept going for another paragraph into Godzilla before I caught myself, seems to be a night for my mind to wander.)
Every night is a good night to wander onto Godzilla talk! Speaking of which, though... It's almost two in the morning for me. I should probably sleep. :p
 
Nice Review ! :D

I personally enjoyed this movie. Not really 'memorable' but if you like monster/alien thingy movies then you'll have a nice moment !

Of course the FPS scene was memorable but I also thought that getting a monster 'stuck' in one of those door was kind of scary... Not knowing if the door would at some point release it or not... But then they decided to do nothing with this...

Yet, overall enjoyable movie and way way better than the second doom movie ::lol ::lol
 

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