It's been well over five years since I played this. All of this is from memory, but it's how I remember it
Two players, always nice... Didn't I see these mountains in a Conan the Barbarian movie... hmm...
I’m about to take you on a journey through a game that’s as chaotic and bizarre as a bad dream you can’t quite wake up from, Blades of Vengeance for the Sega Genesis. If you thought side-scrolling beat'em ups couldn’t get any more over-the-top, think again. This game is a wild rollercoaster of pixelated martial arts, questionable design choices, and enough dark humor to keep you giggling even as your thumbs beg for mercy.
It’s a game that’s so unapologetically bizarre, so hilariously flawed, that it really deserved a Sequel.
Let’s start with the star of the show Kato. If there’s one thing this game does right, it’s giving you control of a female protagonist who’s as fierce as she is fast. Kato isn’t just some damsel in distress or a token female character made for fanservice; she’s a whirlwind of deadly precision and sass. Her sprite is surprisingly detailed for a Genesis game, with animations that flow smoothly and make her look like she’s actually fighting... if only pixelated pixels could really do justice to her martial arts prowess. When you wield her sword, it feels like wielding a mythic weapon sleek, deadly, and satisfying to swing. The way she moves, the way she slices through enemies with a flick of her wrist, makes you feel like a legend.... That is until you realize that most enemies are about as smart as a bag of rocks and will walk right into your blade like they’re auditioning for a comedy sketch.
Even E. A. made some good games time and again
The story? Well, it’s about as serious as a clown at a funeral. Dark, brooding, and coated in a layer of mysticism, it sounds like it was written by someone who took a handful of clichés, threw them into a blender, and then shouted
“That looks good enough!”
The game’s levels take you from lush forests that look like they’re straight out of a kung fu flick, to haunted temples with shadows so thick you’d think they were hiding secrets, to caves filled with pixel monsters that seem like they were designed during a particularly wild drinking session. The enemies range from “what the hell is that?” to “I don’t think that thing’s supposed to be alive.” Sometimes it’s hard to tell whether you’re fighting a demon or a rejected Halloween costume.
Something something funny
The bosses are a highlight... if chaos and frustration can be considered highlights. Each boss fight feels like a test of patience, pattern recognition, and sheer luck. Some of them have attack patterns so bizarre that you start to wonder if the game itself is trolling you. You’ll get hit by cheap shots, knocked into pits, or caught in attack loops that seem designed to make you swear at your screen. But when you finally land a decisive blow, when that boss finally goes down after what feels like an eternity of trying, the rush of victory is so sweet, you forget all about the hours of frustration. It’s like winning a fight against a giant demon while holding your controller with sweaty palms...
satisfying beyond words.
Do you have a relative in Hyrule by chance?
Now, about the combat... surprisingly nuanced for a side-scrolling brawler. Sure, you’ve got your punches and kicks, but Kato’s real secret weapon is her sword. Swinging it feels satisfying, like you’re channeling some ancient, deadly power. The game rewards chaining combos and executing special moves, making you feel like a martial arts legend... Right up until you realize that your timing is about as precise as a drunkard’s dance. The enemies have attack patterns so ridiculous that they sometimes seem to be mocking you, and you’ll find yourself getting hit more often than you land hits because the game’s AI loves to throw in those “surprise” enemies out of nowhere just to keep you on your toes. It’s a delicate dance of patience, reflexes, and a little bit of luck... because if you don’t master it, you’ll find yourself staring at a game over screen more often than you’d like.
WISE FROM YUR GRAWE!!!
Let’s talk about the dark humor, because this game wears its absurdity like a badge of honor. The enemies designs are a strange mix of menacing and goofy, with demons sporting goofy grins or bizarre accessories, and skeleton warriors that seem more confused than intimidating. Some enemies look like they’re auditioning for a clown act, while others look like they belong in a horror movie’s outtakes. The game’s overall vibe doesn’t take itself seriously... it’s a chaotic, tongue in cheek homage to 80's Barbarian flicks with a healthy dose of pixelated nonsense. You’ll find yourself smirking at the absurdity of it all, especially when you see a demon in a tutu or a giant creature that looks like it was drawn by a hyperactive child with a crayon obsession. It’s like the game’s saying
“Yeah, we’re deadly, but we’re also hilarious"
Difficulty? Oh boy, that’s a whole story. The game doesn’t hold your hand, and it’s not shy about throwing enemies at you in swarms or ambushing you out of nowhere. Some levels are a breeze, but others will make you want to smash your controller into tiny pieces. The platforming sections are especially tricky... imagine trying to jump across pixelated pits while avoiding enemies that spawn so quickly, you start to think the game hates you personally. Bosses are especially sadistic, with attack patterns so bizarre and relentless that you’ll start questioning whether the game actually wants you to win or just watch you suffer. But here’s the thing when you finally succeed, when you land that perfect combo or defeat a boss that’s been giving you nightmares, the surge of adrenaline is so intense, you forget about all the hours of frustration. It’s like climbing Mount Everest just to plant your pixel flag at the summit.
Sexy pixelated legs woo!
The graphics? Well, they’re a mixed bag. Some levels are stunning in their pixel-perfect detail lush backgrounds, smooth animations, and vibrant colors that pop out of the screen. Others feel like they were thrown together at the last minute, with boulders that look like they were drawn by a toddler and trees that flicker like ghosts. The character sprites are surprisingly detailed, especially considering the hardware limitations, and Kato’s animations are fluid enough to make you believe she’s really fighting.... if only in pixelated form. The music? It’s a surprisingly catchy mix of tunes that will get stuck in your head whether you want them to or not. One or two tracks are so good you’ll find yourself humming them in the shower, while others are so weirdly catchy you’ll be singing them during your lunch break. Either way, they’re memorable.
The pacing of the game is a bit of a wild rollercoaster. Some levels breeze past in a flash, filled with exciting combat, while others drag on because of cheap enemy spawns or frustrating platforming. It’s almost like the game is daring you to give up, to prove your worth. “You want easy? Nope. You want glory? Then work for it.” And when you finally do, that sense of accomplishment makes you forget all the times you wanted to throw your controller through the wall. It’s a game that keeps you on your toes, constantly challenging you, and daring you to keep going... sometimes with a wink, sometimes with a deadly punch.
Seriously..... are you Zeus?
Now, the overall vibe this game is a chaotic, over-the-top mess in the best way possible. It’s full of strange, bizarre enemies with designs that range from “creepy” to “what the hell is even that?” and game mechanics that can be infuriating but also oddly satisfying. It’s a game that embraces its flaws, revels in its ridiculousness, and somehow creates a charm that’s impossible to ignore. It’s a perfect example of what makes retro gaming so special... games that don’t always follow the rules, but because of that, become unforgettable in their own weird way.
In conclusion, Blades of Vengeance is a glorious, chaotic, pixelated Conan the Barbarian-esque mess that’s as fun as it is frustrating. It’s not a perfect game, not by any means... graphics can sometimes look rushed, the difficulty can make you want to throw your console out the window, and certain levels feel like they were designed by someone with a twisted sense of humor and or Drunk. But it’s also a game that’s so unapologetically fun, so packed with dark humor, ridiculous enemies, and satisfying combat, that you’ll keep coming back for more. And controlling Kato, with her swift sword strikes and sassy attitude, makes you feel like a true warrior... if that warrior also had a penchant for swearing at pixel demons and laughing at their ridiculous designs.
The people in Rastania and Yuria must be awfully confused.
So, if you’re nostalgic for the days when games were brutal, unpredictable, and full of character, Blades of Vengeance is a must-play. Just don’t be surprised if you find yourself shouting at the screen, “Why is this demon wearing a tutu?” or “How many enemies can possibly spawn in one tiny pixelated area?” Because that’s the magic of this game.
it’s as absurd as it is awesome, and in its own strange, chaotic way, it’s a classic in the truest sense of the word.
Final verdict, An unhinged pixelated martial arts brawl with enough dark humor, questionable design choices, and pure adrenaline to keep you hooked.
if you don’t mind losing your mind along the way.
Two players, always nice... Didn't I see these mountains in a Conan the Barbarian movie... hmm...
I’m about to take you on a journey through a game that’s as chaotic and bizarre as a bad dream you can’t quite wake up from, Blades of Vengeance for the Sega Genesis. If you thought side-scrolling beat'em ups couldn’t get any more over-the-top, think again. This game is a wild rollercoaster of pixelated martial arts, questionable design choices, and enough dark humor to keep you giggling even as your thumbs beg for mercy.
It’s a game that’s so unapologetically bizarre, so hilariously flawed, that it really deserved a Sequel.
Let’s start with the star of the show Kato. If there’s one thing this game does right, it’s giving you control of a female protagonist who’s as fierce as she is fast. Kato isn’t just some damsel in distress or a token female character made for fanservice; she’s a whirlwind of deadly precision and sass. Her sprite is surprisingly detailed for a Genesis game, with animations that flow smoothly and make her look like she’s actually fighting... if only pixelated pixels could really do justice to her martial arts prowess. When you wield her sword, it feels like wielding a mythic weapon sleek, deadly, and satisfying to swing. The way she moves, the way she slices through enemies with a flick of her wrist, makes you feel like a legend.... That is until you realize that most enemies are about as smart as a bag of rocks and will walk right into your blade like they’re auditioning for a comedy sketch.
Even E. A. made some good games time and again
The story? Well, it’s about as serious as a clown at a funeral. Dark, brooding, and coated in a layer of mysticism, it sounds like it was written by someone who took a handful of clichés, threw them into a blender, and then shouted
“That looks good enough!”
The game’s levels take you from lush forests that look like they’re straight out of a kung fu flick, to haunted temples with shadows so thick you’d think they were hiding secrets, to caves filled with pixel monsters that seem like they were designed during a particularly wild drinking session. The enemies range from “what the hell is that?” to “I don’t think that thing’s supposed to be alive.” Sometimes it’s hard to tell whether you’re fighting a demon or a rejected Halloween costume.
Something something funny
The bosses are a highlight... if chaos and frustration can be considered highlights. Each boss fight feels like a test of patience, pattern recognition, and sheer luck. Some of them have attack patterns so bizarre that you start to wonder if the game itself is trolling you. You’ll get hit by cheap shots, knocked into pits, or caught in attack loops that seem designed to make you swear at your screen. But when you finally land a decisive blow, when that boss finally goes down after what feels like an eternity of trying, the rush of victory is so sweet, you forget all about the hours of frustration. It’s like winning a fight against a giant demon while holding your controller with sweaty palms...
satisfying beyond words.
Do you have a relative in Hyrule by chance?
Now, about the combat... surprisingly nuanced for a side-scrolling brawler. Sure, you’ve got your punches and kicks, but Kato’s real secret weapon is her sword. Swinging it feels satisfying, like you’re channeling some ancient, deadly power. The game rewards chaining combos and executing special moves, making you feel like a martial arts legend... Right up until you realize that your timing is about as precise as a drunkard’s dance. The enemies have attack patterns so ridiculous that they sometimes seem to be mocking you, and you’ll find yourself getting hit more often than you land hits because the game’s AI loves to throw in those “surprise” enemies out of nowhere just to keep you on your toes. It’s a delicate dance of patience, reflexes, and a little bit of luck... because if you don’t master it, you’ll find yourself staring at a game over screen more often than you’d like.
WISE FROM YUR GRAWE!!!
Let’s talk about the dark humor, because this game wears its absurdity like a badge of honor. The enemies designs are a strange mix of menacing and goofy, with demons sporting goofy grins or bizarre accessories, and skeleton warriors that seem more confused than intimidating. Some enemies look like they’re auditioning for a clown act, while others look like they belong in a horror movie’s outtakes. The game’s overall vibe doesn’t take itself seriously... it’s a chaotic, tongue in cheek homage to 80's Barbarian flicks with a healthy dose of pixelated nonsense. You’ll find yourself smirking at the absurdity of it all, especially when you see a demon in a tutu or a giant creature that looks like it was drawn by a hyperactive child with a crayon obsession. It’s like the game’s saying
“Yeah, we’re deadly, but we’re also hilarious"
Difficulty? Oh boy, that’s a whole story. The game doesn’t hold your hand, and it’s not shy about throwing enemies at you in swarms or ambushing you out of nowhere. Some levels are a breeze, but others will make you want to smash your controller into tiny pieces. The platforming sections are especially tricky... imagine trying to jump across pixelated pits while avoiding enemies that spawn so quickly, you start to think the game hates you personally. Bosses are especially sadistic, with attack patterns so bizarre and relentless that you’ll start questioning whether the game actually wants you to win or just watch you suffer. But here’s the thing when you finally succeed, when you land that perfect combo or defeat a boss that’s been giving you nightmares, the surge of adrenaline is so intense, you forget about all the hours of frustration. It’s like climbing Mount Everest just to plant your pixel flag at the summit.
Sexy pixelated legs woo!
The graphics? Well, they’re a mixed bag. Some levels are stunning in their pixel-perfect detail lush backgrounds, smooth animations, and vibrant colors that pop out of the screen. Others feel like they were thrown together at the last minute, with boulders that look like they were drawn by a toddler and trees that flicker like ghosts. The character sprites are surprisingly detailed, especially considering the hardware limitations, and Kato’s animations are fluid enough to make you believe she’s really fighting.... if only in pixelated form. The music? It’s a surprisingly catchy mix of tunes that will get stuck in your head whether you want them to or not. One or two tracks are so good you’ll find yourself humming them in the shower, while others are so weirdly catchy you’ll be singing them during your lunch break. Either way, they’re memorable.
The pacing of the game is a bit of a wild rollercoaster. Some levels breeze past in a flash, filled with exciting combat, while others drag on because of cheap enemy spawns or frustrating platforming. It’s almost like the game is daring you to give up, to prove your worth. “You want easy? Nope. You want glory? Then work for it.” And when you finally do, that sense of accomplishment makes you forget all the times you wanted to throw your controller through the wall. It’s a game that keeps you on your toes, constantly challenging you, and daring you to keep going... sometimes with a wink, sometimes with a deadly punch.
Seriously..... are you Zeus?
Now, the overall vibe this game is a chaotic, over-the-top mess in the best way possible. It’s full of strange, bizarre enemies with designs that range from “creepy” to “what the hell is even that?” and game mechanics that can be infuriating but also oddly satisfying. It’s a game that embraces its flaws, revels in its ridiculousness, and somehow creates a charm that’s impossible to ignore. It’s a perfect example of what makes retro gaming so special... games that don’t always follow the rules, but because of that, become unforgettable in their own weird way.
In conclusion, Blades of Vengeance is a glorious, chaotic, pixelated Conan the Barbarian-esque mess that’s as fun as it is frustrating. It’s not a perfect game, not by any means... graphics can sometimes look rushed, the difficulty can make you want to throw your console out the window, and certain levels feel like they were designed by someone with a twisted sense of humor and or Drunk. But it’s also a game that’s so unapologetically fun, so packed with dark humor, ridiculous enemies, and satisfying combat, that you’ll keep coming back for more. And controlling Kato, with her swift sword strikes and sassy attitude, makes you feel like a true warrior... if that warrior also had a penchant for swearing at pixel demons and laughing at their ridiculous designs.
The people in Rastania and Yuria must be awfully confused.
So, if you’re nostalgic for the days when games were brutal, unpredictable, and full of character, Blades of Vengeance is a must-play. Just don’t be surprised if you find yourself shouting at the screen, “Why is this demon wearing a tutu?” or “How many enemies can possibly spawn in one tiny pixelated area?” Because that’s the magic of this game.
it’s as absurd as it is awesome, and in its own strange, chaotic way, it’s a classic in the truest sense of the word.
Final verdict, An unhinged pixelated martial arts brawl with enough dark humor, questionable design choices, and pure adrenaline to keep you hooked.
if you don’t mind losing your mind along the way.
