- Joined
- Dec 31, 2024
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- 39
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Ah, the PC Engine. A sleek slab of Japanese silicon known for dishing out quirky, colorful gems with charm to spare. So, when Titan boots up and the intro screen hits, you see a promising looking spaceship.
Your brain starts to light up: "Sweet! Another shmup! LET'S GOOOOOO!"
Wrong.
Instead of a glorious bullet-hell ballet, you're handed a cursed lovechild of Breakout and anxiety. Someone at Naxat Soft apparently asked: "What if Arkanoid, but with more wandering, less rhythm, and just a sprinkle of despair?"
The Concept: A Sphere's Bleak Journey
You control.... a ball??? Or maybe a spaceship. Look, the intro cutscene insists it's a vehicle, but when you're in the game, you're just a pixel sphere with four dots attached like a weird 80s music video. You're tasked with yeeting another ball -- "The Ball™" -- into blocks, clearing the screen to advance.
At this point, you're probably thinking: "Cool, like Breakout... but more freeform?" And that's where Titan stares into your soul and mutters: "Yes, but also... no fun allowed."
Gameplay: Now With 400% More Drifting
You can move in all directions. Sounds great in theory, until you realize this game has all the control of a hockey puck on a buttered floor. The levels are timed, so you can't be too unfocused in your mission to destroy all the blocks, but the player's character whips around with a strange acceleration that feels like it was designed just to frustrate any players.
Sure, you get power-ups. A "T" block gives you more time. Multiball exists. Occasionally the game tosses you a bone with bonus points like it's trying to apologize for itself.
Enemies show up too. Their goal? To mildly inconvenience you. There's like fruit flies at a cookout: annoying, but not dangerous, and definitely not entertaining. In theory, you can lose your ball to some of them, but in practice they end up quite easy to avoid.
Graphics & Sound: A Crime Against the PC Engine's Talents
Visually, Titan isn't offensive. It's just aggressively mediocre. Blocks change colors. Background shuffle slightly. But if you're hoping for the grotesque charm of Splatterhouse or the cartoon charisma of Bonk, lower those expectations to the basement.
The real tragedy is the soundtrack. The PC Engine is capable of some serious rich and punchy audio. Just listen to the layered grooves of Lords of Thunder or the jazzy bounce of Air Zonk. Yet, here we are, stuck in an eternal loop of four uninspired notes: bum BUM bum BUM that repeat like a cursed doorbell. It's not music, it's a sonic hostage situation. If your smoke detector started doing this, you'd rip it out and hurl it into the sea.
Final Verdict: This Ain't It, Chief
Titan is the kind of game that makes you question your life choices. "Why am I doing this?" "Do I even like video games?" "Is this ball a metaphor for the crushing weight of adult responsibilities?"
Let's be clear: the game isn't broken... it's just hollow. It's like tofu without the sauce, or like a toaster that only slightly warms your bread. It's like a shmup that forgets to shoot.
If you're a collector or a masochist, give it a go. Otherwise, leave this one buried in the digital bargain bin where it belongs. The only Titan here is the sheer mass of boredom pressing down on your soul.
If you have to choose between Superman 64 and Titan, by all means, give Titan a go. However, if you have anything slightly funner in your collection, you should probably play that instead.
Your brain starts to light up: "Sweet! Another shmup! LET'S GOOOOOO!"
Wrong.
Instead of a glorious bullet-hell ballet, you're handed a cursed lovechild of Breakout and anxiety. Someone at Naxat Soft apparently asked: "What if Arkanoid, but with more wandering, less rhythm, and just a sprinkle of despair?"
The Concept: A Sphere's Bleak Journey
You control.... a ball??? Or maybe a spaceship. Look, the intro cutscene insists it's a vehicle, but when you're in the game, you're just a pixel sphere with four dots attached like a weird 80s music video. You're tasked with yeeting another ball -- "The Ball™" -- into blocks, clearing the screen to advance.
At this point, you're probably thinking: "Cool, like Breakout... but more freeform?" And that's where Titan stares into your soul and mutters: "Yes, but also... no fun allowed."
Gameplay: Now With 400% More Drifting
You can move in all directions. Sounds great in theory, until you realize this game has all the control of a hockey puck on a buttered floor. The levels are timed, so you can't be too unfocused in your mission to destroy all the blocks, but the player's character whips around with a strange acceleration that feels like it was designed just to frustrate any players.
Sure, you get power-ups. A "T" block gives you more time. Multiball exists. Occasionally the game tosses you a bone with bonus points like it's trying to apologize for itself.
Enemies show up too. Their goal? To mildly inconvenience you. There's like fruit flies at a cookout: annoying, but not dangerous, and definitely not entertaining. In theory, you can lose your ball to some of them, but in practice they end up quite easy to avoid.
Graphics & Sound: A Crime Against the PC Engine's Talents
Visually, Titan isn't offensive. It's just aggressively mediocre. Blocks change colors. Background shuffle slightly. But if you're hoping for the grotesque charm of Splatterhouse or the cartoon charisma of Bonk, lower those expectations to the basement.
The real tragedy is the soundtrack. The PC Engine is capable of some serious rich and punchy audio. Just listen to the layered grooves of Lords of Thunder or the jazzy bounce of Air Zonk. Yet, here we are, stuck in an eternal loop of four uninspired notes: bum BUM bum BUM that repeat like a cursed doorbell. It's not music, it's a sonic hostage situation. If your smoke detector started doing this, you'd rip it out and hurl it into the sea.
Final Verdict: This Ain't It, Chief
Titan is the kind of game that makes you question your life choices. "Why am I doing this?" "Do I even like video games?" "Is this ball a metaphor for the crushing weight of adult responsibilities?"
Let's be clear: the game isn't broken... it's just hollow. It's like tofu without the sauce, or like a toaster that only slightly warms your bread. It's like a shmup that forgets to shoot.
If you're a collector or a masochist, give it a go. Otherwise, leave this one buried in the digital bargain bin where it belongs. The only Titan here is the sheer mass of boredom pressing down on your soul.
If you have to choose between Superman 64 and Titan, by all means, give Titan a go. However, if you have anything slightly funner in your collection, you should probably play that instead.
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