The last two articles (Part One and Part Two) saw us encounter some real opponents of quality and, of course, they were both X-Men titles. Those poor mutants are cursed not only to have to fight for their place in a world that hates and fears them, but to also have terrible video game quality assurance. All humour aside, it is strange how the worst games we’ve encountered so far have all been X-Men titles. Sure, Return of the Sinister Six and the always terrible Captain America and the Avengers are pretty bad, but at least they aren’t Mutant Wars or the GBC Mutant Academy bad.
We’re finishing off the Game Boy and Game Gear handhelds with these last 5 games, and yes, like I said closing out the last article, 4 of these 5 are X-Men games as I cannot catch a break.
I know what’s coming this time around. I played the first Game Gear X-Men game back when I was a young octopus, and even back then I said to myself ‘huh, this is terrible’; I can only guess that the two sequels are just as bad. The other two games, The Incredible Hulk and Wolverine’s Rage, I definitely have not played; so look forward to those ones, unless you enjoy reading my suffering by mediocre retro game quality control.
Let’s just get this over with.
X-Men
Year: 1993Publisher: Sega
Developer: Sega
Platform: Game Gear
It’s not very good. There, review over.
Score
1 ½ X-Genes out o-
Alright, I’ll elaborate. The first game in the Game Gear X-Men trilogy, it sees you jumping around some levels as one of seven X-Men characters. You initially start with only Cyclops and Wolverine, then unlock more as you beat specific stages. You can choose from a selection of stages to go through with whatever X-Men you have unlocked, and that aspect of it is the only really good thing about this game.
Don’t mind me, I'm just casually walking away from this nonsense boss.
The game’s biggest fault is that all the characters just feel like complete wimps. You have very little health even when playing as someone like Wolverine, and you do so very little damage to bosses that it just isn’t particularly fun. What’s the point of playing as astonishing X-Men if you just feel like a wimp? There’s definitely some poor character balancing going on as well, with flying characters like Storm and Rogue having a straight up advantage over any other character save for Iceman, who is the best character in the game. He has the most health for some reason, I guess to show he’s made of ice, and has both the most damage and attack reach over any character. Don’t know what’s going on there but at least Iceman finally got his due in something, the poor guy is often sidelined. Worst characters? Easily Wolverine and Psylocke, and that’s some kind of heresy right there.
The other worst part of the game are the bosses, mainly the fact that they’re nonsense and silly. It's either you counter them with one particular character, or you just play Iceman, or you just lose. There's also a few gimmick bosses which of course everyone enjoys. Sebastian Shaw, leader of the Hellfire Club, is immune to all damage (which is not entirely comic accurate, may I add) except from traps in the area you fight him in. It may sound like a fun little change of pace, but it's definitely not fun. You can't control the traps, and they deal so little damage to him that when I hit the 15 minute mark of slowly walking around with him in slow pursuit behind me and he still had half his health bar left, I just left the game. Take that, X-Men on the Game Gear.
The graphics are only okay, nothing special. At least the opening options menu has some entertainment value; you can turn the sound on or off, with turning it on listed as ‘annoying’. You’re right, X-Men, the music is annoying.
The controls are sort of loose feeling, but are largely fine. The game is just kinda bad really, I’m not sure what else to add. The difficulty is too high, the levels are pretty boring, the bosses are either uninspired or downright broken unless you’re playing Iceman.
It was slightly nostalgic for me at least, as I did remember playing it before when I was a fresh lad. It brought me back to the feeling of being crammed into the back seat of my family’s Ford Escape, sitting in a Tim Hortons drive-thru on a road trip to my grandparents house, struggling to find the right angle to actually get light on the Game Gear screen so I can see what I was even doing. Fun times, but they definitely weren’t because of the game I was playing.
Some of the art when you load into levels is fine. There, a single compliment.
Score
1 ½ X-Genes out of 5.
The Incredible Hulk
Year: 1994Publisher: U.S Gold
Developer: Probe Software
Platform: Game Gear
The first appearance of the Hulk in this whole retrospective, as the jade giant never even appeared in Captain America and the Avengers. Good for him. As far as first appearances go, this isn’t really bad; just another functional and playable ‘meh’.
The game’s scenario was designed by two journalists, Richard Leadbetter and Julian Rignall, from a magazine called Mean Machines. Asked to design a Hulk game by U.S. Gold, this was the result. Of note is that this game also appears on home consoles, and this is an actually pretty faithful porting save for some obvious technical and graphical changes. We’ll get to the console version, don’t worry; the people have to know how every version of 1994’s The Incredible Hulk plays.
Oh yeah, you squat on those defeated supervillains to establish dominance.
The game sees Hulk battle across a few levels, fighting some androids and a few of his rogues gallery as bosses. Nothing new, but it doesn’t have to be. It does have some gameplay ideas cooking underneath it, though. Hulk’s health is called ‘gamma’, of course, and if you get enough of it through picking up gamma pills scattered around the levels you power up and get access to different moves- not sure who left ‘gamma pills’ lying around, seems sort of irresponsible. If Hulk ever runs out of gamma, you turn back into shirtless Bruce Banner and get to run around and crawl through vents. If you find a gamma pill and pick it up, the next time you take damage you’ll automatically turn back into the Hulk.
Watch out, Bruce has finally had enough and just has a gun in this game. He’s finally been pushed too far.
The game is dreadfully short, covering only about 4 or 5 levels before finishing. Considering it was on the Game Gear, it makes sense; both in a storage capacity angle and the purpose of handhelds being shorter play sessions. I would still say it is too short, however, and coupled with the fact that it’s also dreadfully easy it just makes a bland and forgettable experience. So, it ultimately falls into the category of a few games we’ve covered already- not unplayable, but still not really worth your time.
Score
2 ½ Gamma Bombs out of 5.
X-Men: Gamemaster’s Legacy
Year: 1995Publisher: Sega
Developer: Sega
Platform: Game Gear
I went into this expecting the same experience as the first X-Men. Was it any better? Surprisingly, sort of.
This time the music is ‘bugging!’. I don’t think I’m cool enough to know what that means.
Gamemaster’s Legacy is essentially the same gameplay wise, but it has a new and innovative mechanic: you’re not a wimp in it. Character’s can take more damage, and enemies are generally less durable resulting in both a faster and more exciting game. The characters too are much better balanced, with each of them feeling more in line with the others. They all seem to have the same amount of health this time around, and seem to do standardized damage; the only advantage some have over others is if they can fly, which is a fair advantage.
Just imagine not being able to fly over helpless enemies, like you’re some sort of terrestrially locked loser.
Sorry Psylocke fans, but this particular game trilogy does not let her eat; she was probably the worst character in the first X-Men, and now she’s just not even in this one. Included this time around are the other 90’s favourites of Bishop and Cable, which I’m glad to see as they never really get their due outside of the comic books generally.
I have no idea who this boss is, and I have to say that’s a very rare occurrence. Also, Bishop is clearly skipping leg day.
I would dare say this game lands in the ‘okay’ category, which is I think the highest praise I’ve given an X-Men game yet. Good job, Gamemaster’s Legacy.
2 ½ X-Genes out of 5.
X-Men: Mojo’s World
Year: 1996Publisher: Sega
Developer: Sega
Platform: Game Gear
And so the trilogy comes to a close, not with bang but a resounding ‘eh’. So it goes.
The engagement strategy for these enemies that have appeared in every game in this trilogy? Punch them repeatedly in the crotch. It works every time.
It’s more of the same, nothing else needs to be said in terms of the gameplay itself. One change is the fact that you can no longer select which stage you want to tackle, and the game is instead simply a linear affair.
I have no idea what I’m fighting. Hairless sewer mole? Mutant rat with a snake head? I don’t know.
It’s fine, once again. It’s just sort of…odd feeling somehow. The character selection is reduced this time around, and the stages are very low-effort in terms of presentation and graphics. The bosses are now far too easy. The Sentinel boss dying to four punches to the face after I flew right up to him as Rogue actually made me laugh when it happened.
Poor guy, he didn’t even stand a chance.
I’m not sure what else to add here, honestly. It’s I think overall slightly less than Gamemaster’s Legacy, but at least it’s not the first X-Men game. It’s sad that Gamemaster’s Legacy is now a benchmark for an X-Men game. Why are they so cursed at this point in gaming?
Score
2 X-Genes out of 5.
X-Men: Wolverine’s Rage
Year: 2001Publisher: Activision
Developer: Digital Eclipse
Platform: Game Boy Colour
My god, something actually at least acceptable. Simple, but acceptable. After the games before now, that’s entirely alright to me.
Developed by Digital Eclipse, a company who started out making arcade perfect conversions for various consoles, then went on to work almost exclusively in retro re-releases and retro throwback style games, aiming to champion the cause of ‘video game preservation’. They have a long and impressive resume, and definitely know their tech; but back in 2001, even they couldn’t resist the call of a quick licensed Marvel game.
The gameplay sees you play as Wolverine, of course, as you jump and slash across levels. Nothing we haven’t seen before, but competently done. In particular, the animation and graphical prowess displayed here is incredible. Logan animates so smoothly, and the sprite work is amazing. I’m genuinely impressed actually that this is on a Game Boy Colour; who knew the console had so many technically astounding titles.
Gameplay wise, it’s alright. It controls well enough, and most of the time is spent on platforming. One weird thing going on in it is that if you mash on the attack button, Wolverine will eventually go into a berserker barrage that drains his health for some reason as he constantly lunges forward while it’s active. I’m not sure exactly how to stop it, and more than once it came out when I really didn’t want it to. It’s a neat touch and fits the character, but probably could have been done in a less strange way.
What's Wolverine yelling to the night sky? Who knows, the guy's got some issues.
The storyline is told through some solid comic style art in between levels, and sees Wolverine attempt to stop Lady Deathstrike from developing a weapon to melt the adamantium in his bones. She’s teamed up with some other Wolverine villains, such as Sabretooth and Cyber and of course you battle each of them after some levels.
Ah, Cyber; a long forgotten relic of the 90's. Rad looking design, though.
It’s not bad, but it’s not really ‘good’ either. A pure worksman title, notable really only for its astounding graphical presentation. Seriously, just play this game for a few minutes and you’ll see some of the smoothest sprite animations on the handheld. You could also probably play anything else, but Wolverine’s Rage I think still deserves at least some recognition.
Score
2 ½ Snikt’s out of 5.
And so we come to the close of the third generation handheld Marvel games. Thank ****ing go- I mean, let’s look at the scores here.
We had a total of 17 games, for a maximum score total of 85. Adding up all the final scores, the third generation handhelds are left with a final result of…34, with an average game score of 2 out of 5. That is pretty far from a passing grade, which is not terribly surprising once again. It feels much lower once you’re actually playing the games, trust me. There was once again a good Punisher game, and the big surprise of the excellent (and highest scoring on the handhelds) Spider-Man; not the Amazing Spider-Man games, those were pretty rough. The worst offender, and the second worst game I've yet encountered, was Mutant Academy on the GBC which I highly recommend everyone tries just to see how bad it is; it's like a masterclass in how to make a horrible fighting game, and like I said in its review it honestly should just have never been released.
Let's look at the final scores and averages of the handhelds and the 8-bit consoles from the last article series. The home consoles had an average score of 2.12 out of 5, and a final score of 17/40; the handhelds have an average score of 2 out of 5, and a final score of 34/85. Without getting too far into the math, that's more or less the same of around 45% give or take. There you go, if someone now asks “in rough mathematical terms, what's the quality comparison between the handheld licensed Marvel games and the console games of the third generation?” you can answer them. I don't know who would ever ask that, but I don't know who you know, you know?
Our next stop on the licensed Marvel video game train? I was trying to decide if I wanted to follow the same pattern I've done here of doing the 16-bit consoles and the one handheld of the GBA, but then I realised; where would I fit the arcade games? So I decided I might as well do them next. I also just really want to do the arcade games as they're actually generally of good quality, and I really need more quality wins here. Sometimes, when I'm on the deepest level of my nightmares, I still see Uncanny X-Men; the bubbles won't stop coming, why won't they stop? It haunts me like a lasting wound that won't heal. And it's not just the bubbles that fill me with dread. It's the others. The springs, the worms, the rats in the wall- sorry, I had some sort of mental regression there. Next up, the Marvel arcade games. We've got a lot of fighting games, some even considered the pinnacle of the genre, and a few beat em’ ups to go through with a lean game count of 11. It will even be time to cover something that's been foreshadowed in every article so far- the original arcade version of Captain America and the Avengers. Will a list of like 90% Capcom arcade games save our journey, and my sanity?
Until next time, true believers.
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