How do you speak with people?

[Aziamuth]

No, I'm not talking about the physical process. I know how to use my tongue or my fingers to type.

Rather, I talk about being able to talk about someone you don't know about, strike a relationship and maybe form a friendship. I find that incredibly hard, there's a force inside me that forbids me from talking to strangers and it's very harmful for my social health (as well as my mental health, I feel very lonely). I'm currently going to therapy but it's very hard to completely change the way I deal with people, at least right now. So I'd like to hear from other human beings from the Internet, because I'm very smart.

Keep in mind that this refers to IRL, I have no problem with people on the internet.

 

[Yuniheim]

With indifference.
I used to be very wary of people and very antisocial but as I grew I kinda changed my perspective of the world and it's people.
People don't pay attention to others simply because they don't care or they're indifferent to you, or they're just to busy with their problems or taking care of their lives.

There should be no reason to like someone or hate someone you don't know or you don't care about, you simply don't know them to think about the other...though it doesn't help if you have anxiety, you end up overthinking a lot about things, I used to be a lot like that (lies, I'm still like that)

This may not be the best answer you'll receive today but... this has just been my reality through the years, sometimes things just happen and you change and don't even notice, I'm not very good with words, there is a lot I would like to say but can't find a way to explain them, but in the end we all need to find our own way to do things.

 

[MrMann]

yeah, its called social anxiety. noone gets born with social skills, you develop them and have to keep up with them or lose em.

there's no hidden answer, you gotta practice. most people never do and will remain in their little world that keeps shrinking as time moves past them.
so go talk to people and try and realize that people dont care as much about awkward interactions as you might think.

people use therapy for everything nowadays, but most things in life are solved by tackling them head on.

 

[fake-kun]

That's the neat part, I don't.

 

[DunkeyKong]

With memes

 

[RageBurner]

I tend to observe a lot more than I speak. If I feel I have something to contribute to a conversation, then I speak up, but I'll never be the first to come up to someone and start talking. To put it another way, I observe and try to intuit what kind of person I'm about to interact with as to not go in blind. I like my games without guides, not people without guides.

 

[Bonkers225]

It all depends on what environment you're in. At work, gym, on the streets, etc. And those will have an impact on how someone will respond back to you. And being honest, your physical appearance will affect it as well. In alot of cases, it'll be the main thing especially to the opposite sex if that's your goal.

 

[kaiju]

i dont lol

 

[Advil Lavs]

Easy, I don't. Or at least I don't when I have nothing to say

 

[Karnik 2.0: reboot]

During my adolescence, I also had difficulty communicating with strangers, but the more you withdraw into yourself or ruminate, the worse it becomes. Everything will be solved with the habit of communicating. The more you do it, the easier it becomes. Never think ahead about what you have to say, but dive in without thinking about it; even if you appear awkward and clumsy, continue to speak and listen, always focused on the outside and without distraction. Little by little, all this will become a pleasant, instinctive habit: the key to everything is attention and concentration on the outside (today they call it mindfulness) and natural self-control. Meditation, deep breathing and certain relaxation techniques could help you, if practiced daily and seriously. Above all, meditation (even just 20 minutes a day) as concentration on a single point, to prevent the mind from wandering and jumping here and there, and becoming unstable, restless and anxious. Concentration is the key to self-control. Period. A hug.

 

[Aziamuth]

It all depends on what environment you're in. At work, gym, on the streets, etc. And those will have an impact on how someone will respond back to you. And being honest, your physical appearance will affect it as well. In alot of cases, it'll be the main thing especially to the opposite sex if that's your goal.

I'm in an university and most of my classmates are 10 years younger than me

 

[Strategist's iconStrategist]

Best advice I've ever heard on talking to strangers/public speaking came from the Simpsons.

 

[Aziamuth]

During my adolescence, I also had difficulty communicating with strangers, but the more you withdraw into yourself or ruminate, the worse it becomes. Everything will be solved with the habit of communicating. The more you do it, the easier it becomes. Never think ahead about what you have to say, but dive in without thinking about it; even if you appear awkward and clumsy, continue to speak and listen, always focused on the outside and without distraction. Little by little, all this will become a pleasant, instinctive habit: the key to everything is attention and concentration on the outside (today they call it mindfulness) and natural self-control. Meditation, deep breathing and certain relaxation techniques could help you, if practiced daily and seriously. Above all, meditation (even just 20 minutes a day) as concentration on a single point, to prevent the mind from wandering and jumping here and there, and becoming unstable, restless and anxious. Concentration is the key to self-control. Period. A hug.

I like this a lot, thank you so much

 

[ciro64]

You can start talking by making a small, spontaneous comments about the situation when the chance presents itself.

Remember, a lot of people do like social interactions and would love to talk to you.

 

[pr0xy]

During my adolescence, I also had difficulty communicating with strangers, but the more you withdraw into yourself or ruminate, the worse it becomes. Everything will be solved with the habit of communicating. The more you do it, the easier it becomes. Never think ahead about what you have to say, but dive in without thinking about it; even if you appear awkward and clumsy, continue to speak and listen, always focused on the outside and without distraction. Little by little, all this will become a pleasant, instinctive habit: the key to everything is attention and concentration on the outside (today they call it mindfulness) and natural self-control. Meditation, deep breathing and certain relaxation techniques could help you, if practiced daily and seriously. Above all, meditation (even just 20 minutes a day) as concentration on a single point, to prevent the mind from wandering and jumping here and there, and becoming unstable, restless and anxious. Concentration is the key to self-control. Period. A hug.

I don't think you'll get a better answer than this one, really.
Also I would like to add that rejection will sometimes be on the menu. You'll get used to it, it's not something you should fear or be hesitant about.

 

[Asian girls lover]

Why would you like to speak to someone? Embrace lolineless, there is no one better than ourselves to speak with. There are very few people who I talk to, all family members. I don't speak with strangers, or people I know since childhood if not for a greeting. I don't care to nor I'm able to do it, always been asocial, shy and introvert since I was born.

 

[AncientBehemoth]

If I don't have I don't talk. I'd rather talk to inanimate object or an animal. I don't really have a problem to ask a random person for directions for example.

 

[Liam654]

(Sorry in advance for the text wall of a first post)
TL;DR: If its a professional environment or you don't really feel fully comfortable, be more cordial and listen first, then speak. If its more of a free social environment, and you do have a better grasp on people and talking, speak your mind and don't let others drag you down.

I'm not really the most social person, I tend to keep to myself and or close friends. Have a very cynical perspective on people and strangers. However despite not being social I've been told I do have a natural charisma and ability to speak publicly. I've always seen two approaches with strangers/people you want to get along with.

When with strangers or just people you don't know all to well you can either keep it cordial and be mindful of what others are talking about and their hobbies, easy to do depending on the setting (if your at a convention or a hobby shop then its pretty clear most people there are also gonna be interested in the hobby same as you, if your in a uni/school setting and there's clubs/groups to join also pretty self explanatory). Work and other more public places might be harder to approach people without proper introduction but if you do want to meet and greet others its fairly easy to read body language or check tone for some people. It's important to not be afraid but also polite, don't speak to others when there mid conversation without any context to it, or if you do interject be polite and not snarky/rude about it.

That's ultimately a more conservative approach to things overall, and generally that's the most acceptable way to go about things, especially in a work or school setting where there's a degree of etiquette and/or professionalism needed in the case of work.

I personally subscribe to a second school of thought however when its not a workplace environment: No cares given. Now, that doesn't mean I just butt in and interject whenever I feel like it or act like im the king of the world, but it does mean I am just generally less self conscious about what people will think about me or react to my opinions on a topic. If your looking to meet new people and establish good friendships, there shouldn't generally speaking be a façade or mask you have as a person. Don't be afraid about what others may say when your talking about something you have a passion and care for, or if your learning about it through that conversation ask questions or give your general thoughts on what's been said that far (mind you, this still isn't a excuse to be rude or disrespectful towards another, less they themselves are doing so to you, at that point its just best to distance yourself.). Think somethings funny? Don't be afraid to be expressive and laugh. It doesn't mean you need to lay out your heart and soul to these people either, you eventually get a feel for how far you go in a conversation and what you think is best to say or avoid speaking on. Only you as a person can set those limits for yourself.

It's not the best approach, people may think you come off strong, and laying your thoughts and opinions out there will sometimes have a polarizing effect if a topics more serious nd personal, so when meeting new people as a rule just avoid things like that unless they tie to things your interested in yourself.

 

[ciro64]

It all depends on what environment you're in. At work, gym, on the streets, etc. And those will have an impact on how someone will respond back to you. And being honest, your physical appearance will affect it as well. In alot of cases, it'll be the main thing especially to the opposite sex if that's your goal.

I'd like to add that this is about taking care of your appearance and presenting yourself well, not about whether you're beautiful or ugly.

 

[Aziamuth]

Why would you like to speak to someone? Embrace lolineless, there is no one better than ourselves to speak with. There are very few people who I talk to, all family members. I don't speak with strangers, or people I know since childhood if not for a greeting. I don't care to nor I'm able to do it, always been asocial, shy and introvert since I was born.

I'm not fond of the physical manifestations of anxiety

 

[Azazelivae]

If you actually want the easy way to do it.

Then what you need to do is just to have no expectation at all.

Keep in mind this how i personally do it, so idk if you can even emulate it in your life, but imagine it like this, let say your coworker, when socializing with them especially when you're deep in your work, you socialize, that's it but do that with every single encounter with human really.

To have no expectation you don't care who the person is, that way you only 'care' about the conversation, keep it long enough now you're fine with them around, you're no longer awkward around them, then maybe you can be friend with them, or just acquaintances.

I admit doing this maybe some sort of disassociation to some degree, so in hindsight it's probably isn't healthy? but it works, at least for me.

 

[TheWanderer]

Just dive in ,and forget your fears I know it's hard to apply but that's it ,just say "Ah freak it" and dive in , don't think about the consequences even if you bomb the interaction then screw it ,it is not meant to be you will eventually connect with people that have the same wavelength as you

 

[SwordBreaker40]

The problem I just do im an open book at not shy from talking with people. As the saying good never judge a book by it's covers. I mean that is how I met my partner a work first day taught that person just sits there alone looking a bit nervous I just sat down and started to talk and well that is how I met your mother >.<

I had not clue my partner later would come out as F to M trans but as I swing both ways made no difference for me.

honestly if a person looks interesting or so I rely wanna speak with them who knows maybe you find a best friend or even a partner.

 

[Prism_Red]

Act normal, as in just you as how you usually act, not pretend normal, then approach your desired target and commence the communication protocol.
If they don't look interested, cool, walk away. If they do interested then start talking whatever, doesn't matter if it's weird.
The point is to try to form a connection and filtering out those who don't deserve your attention at the same time.

 

[glokglakglak]

i don't cos i hate people