Goregoregore's Kusoview for Mega Man X7 for Playstation 2

goregoregoregoregoregore

Dysfunctional Pervert Magical Anime Girl Gore-chan
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I promised a long time ago to make this Kusoview but i just finished this game now, and i spent quite some time thinking about lies about not having time or how there was too much going on in life but cmon, just look at me for a second and you know i have nothing better to do in my life
Instead the real reason is that this game not only is KUSO but also boring and slow as fuck.
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Mega Man X7 is an horrible 3D/2D platformer where you are a robot and you have to beat the big bad robot and theres brainwash and blah blah blah *insert John Carmack quote about story in videogames and porn*
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Really, i'm not a Mega Man ultra fan on contrary to 90% of the userbase of this forum and so i'm really not aware of the importance or the legacy of any of these characters besides them being robots that do the pew pew slash slash.
The game exceeds for me in the art and design department, it looks cool, the characters look cool, the music is cool, backgrounds and all look very cool, unfortunately this is where the good parts end for me, since all the rest is so clunky, slow and badly design that i understood quickly the bad fame of this game.


To start with the worst part to me, which is movement and camera.
The game is SLOW, oh fuck it's weird as fuck how you feel like you are constantly in slow motion or floating in this game. The movement feels like when you go play with the controller of one of those McDonalds Nintendo 64 cabinets that are there without maintenance for at least 15 years and has been covered with all human fluids possible making it sticky and stiff. Combine this with the fact that the camera actively tries to sabotage you by trying it's fucking best to hide enemies from you in plain sight and you have a combination of a top tier KUSOGE
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(HOLY SHIT HE IS BALD, HE IS TRULY EVIL)
To me a point that show how much no one gave a shit about testing this game is how dependent you are of getting power ups by saving the reploids to be able to have any resemblance of balanced damage or freedom of movement in the game. There is simply no way you can just go clear a stage not caring much about rescueing the reploids because you are simply useless without their powerups, and another super fun fact is that if they are killed once in that stage, they will be gone forever, even if you go back to it later.
If you just go after a boss using only Axl's gun without any upgrade you will feel like poking the mf with a toothpick, which funnily enough seemed like the most viable option to me, since using Zero's close-ranged attacks while you have this terrible knockdown system that feels more like you are in the floor for 300 years is only useful if you are going to use him as a suicide attacker to then switch to Axl after he is low health enough, which i still didn't think was worth it so when i got X unlocked i instantly put him there in Zero's place and ended his suffering.
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Hitboxes on this game are completely atrocious too, you will be hit by attacks that are completely far from you or YOU will hit attacks that don't make any sense to hit, it's kinda all over the place and you have to experiment a lot over what are the true boundaries of where you going to get hit or not(you will die a lot on the bosses anyways lmao), specially considering that a lot of time your dash will be useless fucking npcs in GTA games are better at dodging cars than that, goddamnit
Overall i don't think this game is completely completely bad, i think there is a lot of charm to it, and i think it's certainly not the worst game i've ever played, that's for sure, but the stupid way it was designed in gameplay terms made it be a certified KUSOGE. It would just rank higher in my Kusometer if it didn't have those beautiful stages and character designs. I will probably dabble into other Mega Man games to know what a truly good Mega Man game is, i know that there won't be any lack of recommendations from this forum
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6/10 on the Kusometer
 
A wonderful review for a terrible game.
Fine, one redeeming factor. Axl's death voice in the dub sounds like something else, and it's funny.
 
I was super excited about X7 when I first heard about it and saw the previews for it. I liked all the Megaman X games, even X6. Holy shit I hated X7 so much. I don't if the anticipation made it worse or if it was just that terrible but man it was so disappointing.
 

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