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Message: [QUOTE="ATenderLad, post: 154658, member: 3864"] 10/10, well done. [CENTER][ATTACH type="full" width="742px" alt="1743277530707.png"]50678[/ATTACH][/CENTER] Hush is in a weird place of being extremely popular, but no one can think of a good reason for him to exist beyond the initial story. (New 52 brought in an in-universe Owlman/Thomas Wayne, and I think they overlap a bit. Bruce can only have so many villainous foils related to his childhood before you start to think the kid just had bad vibes). I'm gonna think on that and get back to you! Okay, the last "shower thought" story I had in mind was something really silly for Superman. I figure, he's basically never been intoxicated, right? So imagine there's this engineer at Star Labs with a side project, "The Turnt Emitter"; it's just some doohickey that makes everyone in the vicinity (not wearing special earbuds) spectacularly sauced. So naturally, they rob a bank! Superman shows up, but quickly finds out that being housed is fucking weird, and he can't actually touch these guys without turning them into paste, or stumbling through a wall at Mach 9. He flies off in a random direction for everyone's safety, and the goons get away with the money. Then it happens again. And again. The Man of Steel needs help, he needs....a mentor. Enter the most terrifying barfly you've ever seen, just a permanently shitfaced woman named Marge or something, with a beer-stained leather jacket and cirrhosis of the liver to match. Clark Kent watches this woman hop from bar to bar performing acts of dexterity left-and-right. Catching her keys when they fall out of her pocket, walking a straight line every time she gets pulled over; tipping her bar stool to damn near 45 degrees while she sleeps sitting up, but never falling over. The student is ready, and the teacher has appeared. Cut to a training montage at The Fortress of Solitude, where Kal-El's little Kryptonian robots have ginned up a stellar brewery. The most potent hops from New Genesis, fermented in caskets with dwarf stars contained inside, compacting them into the most concentrated alcohol ever devised. Superman keeps downing pints of the stuff while Marge shows him the ropes; throwing darts, convincing the bartender "one more for the road" for the fifth time, and stumbling into the shower instead of the bed when you've pissed yourself. I'm picturing the Last Son of Krypton struggling to pick his change up off the counter, gouging deep marks into the material with his fingers while Marge shouts "AGAIN!" There's a tip-off from an informant; another robbery is going down tomorrow! Clark looks to Marge, but she shakes her head; partly just to clear her vision, but also to imply "You're not ready". Superman awakes in his tub the following morning, a grim line of determination on his face. He *has* to be ready. Alarm bells are ringing, and they're so fucking loud and if everyone could just shut up ohmygod At the notorious Sloshed Bandits next bank job, Big Blue swoops into the joint and lands awkwardly on all fours. He's already drunk, he pre-gamed the robbery! The head of the gang watches him stagger to his feet and says, "You look like *shit*". Superman replies, with an confident voice that's only a little slurred, "Drunk enough to kick your ass". One of the other guys interjects "He didn't set you up for th-" but Superman is upon him already, tossing him through the banks skylight window, a small figure vanishing into a blue sky. The rest of the gang panics and tries to flee, but our hero intercepts each of them with super-speed and minimal vomiting. The leader nearly makes it out the door while Superman is distracted, holding a crook far too intimately and telling him how much he loves him; an outstretched boot trips him up at the door, and he tumbles ass over end down the steps of the bank. Before he loses conciousness, he looks up to see who ruined his escape. It's Marge of course, and if you had X-Ray vision to see around the can she was draining, you'd notice an expression of pride on her too-red face. She looks to Superman, who drops the crook he's holding awkwardly on his head and calls out to her. "You're here! You knew I could do it, you were just motivating me!" "I told you what you needed to hear, son." *To onlookers, this all just comes out like slurred babbling.* They walk off to the nearest bar, arms on each others shoulders and laughing without a care in the world. Just as they exit frame, a screaming bank robber lands with a terrible thud on some guy's Mazda. (I'm just fucking kidding, can you imagine? Superman goes "Oh shit" and catches him at the last second). [/QUOTE]

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